For psychologists, the human personality is one thing above all: mysterious. No wonder that there are some errors and misunderstandings about a phenomenon so complex and difficult to understand even for experts.
People are different, and in many ways. We feel differently, think differently, obviously look different, have different goals, opinions, values, priorities and and and and and. What defines us, we say, our individuality or personality, is so complex, multi-layered and enigmatic that experts such as psychologists, neurologists, philosophers and Co. can certainly research and ponder for a long time before they do that would classify the topic as closed. With a phenomenon as complicated as human character, chances are very high that much of what we think we know about it is not 100% accurate. So also the following assumptions, which seem to be present in many minds, but would ultimately only lead us astray – if we believed them.
3 misconceptions about your personality that are holding you back unnecessarily
You are who you are
Scientists largely agree that our personality is at least partially genetic. For example, genetic researchers found sequences in our DNA that tend to correlate with a more introverted character, and there are apparently certain indications in the genome of how impulsive or aggressive a certain person could be. To a certain extent, coincidence seems to decide what kind of person we are. However, the role that our genetic prerequisites play in the overall picture is relatively small, because our personality develops and changes over the course of our lives – sometimes even significantly.
Statistically speaking, for every third adult, at least one of the five personality traits that psychologists use to describe the character, the Big Five, changes by a whole level over a period of six years, writes the psychologist René Mottus in “Psychology today”. For example, if you are quite busy at the age of 30, often come late and miss four out of six appointments, you can easily meet five out of six appointments by the time you are 40, relatively punctual and reliable. If you need a lot of time for yourself at 35 and don’t like being around people, you may be much more sociable at 45.
On the one hand, these changes take place by themselves without us consciously controlling them, for example through the experiences we collect and through the cultural, social and other environmental influences to which we are exposed. On the other hand, we are also able to direct and influence our personality development in a targeted manner.
To a certain extent we can reflect and decide for ourselves how we want to be. Thanks to our extraordinary, highly developed and very complex brain, we have the ability to observe and think about ourselves. We can question how we perceive, interpret and evaluate the world, we can choose how we classify and process experiences, we can control what influences we expose ourselves to. It can be incredibly difficult to change your own thought and behavior patterns, but in principle we have this possibility.
But even if we don’t use it and let life and the passage of time decide how our personality develops, in some way it will most likely change. And not even the most ingenious genetic researcher could predict which ones.
In extreme situations you show your true face
It’s no secret that many people behave differently when confronted with extraordinary, extreme circumstances. For example, if you hold a gun to their forehead, some people may be far more self-absorbed than if they’re lying in the bathtub by candlelight and listening to the Moonlight Sonata. In 2020, for example, it could also be observed that some people’s shopping behavior would change in the event of an impending pandemic. But whether the core of the personality, the so-called true face, comes to light more when encountering the muzzle of a pistol than when hearing the sound of Beethoven is purely and simply a question of interpretation. And the definition of personality and the real me.
Anyone who assumes that real character comes to the fore in an extreme situation of all things is basically saying that the core of our personality lies in our instincts and emotions. Because most of the time they take over the wheel under such circumstances, while our so-called mind allows itself a dropout. But isn’t what we are and can be when our consciousness is functioning as much a part of our personality as what we are when it’s paused? In fact, doesn’t it say a lot about us how we respond to our feelings and instincts when given the opportunity to consider and weigh them? In any case, it seems questionable to consult an extraordinary situation in order to judge a person’s character. Especially since the same person could behave completely differently in the second extraordinary situation they find themselves in.
Your actions speak louder than your words
Most of the time, when we judge someone, we tend to put more weight on their actions than on their words. This is only too understandable, after all actions often have more serious effects than words, tend to require more energy and commitment and so they simply seem more important. But our personality shows itself in what we do and say. And not only in it, our thoughts, feelings, dreams, wishes and intentions, all of these are expressions of our personality. We are not only what we do, but also what we want and what we would like to do. For example, it makes a difference in character whether a person hurts another person when they really didn’t want to and later regrets it, or whether a person doesn’t even think about hurting other people. To put it bluntly, two different people can behave identically, yet have completely different personalities. Of course, when there is always a big discrepancy between words and behavior, it has character value. But we are not (just) what we do or what we see. But very, very much more.
Sources used: paket.de, psychologytoday.com