Psychology: 3 sentences from my parents that made me anxious

According to the therapist
These sentences from my parents made me subconsciously anxious

I’m afraid of being alone, afraid of accidents, afraid of the dark, afraid of snakes and so much more. A lot of it is based on negative experiences. But the fact that I’m generally more of an anxious type is probably also due to sentences that have been said to me again and again – and which will sound familiar to many people.

First of all: Fear is a very subjective topic. Just like education and sentences from it, how they are perceived. Some people will probably not find my “fear sentences” bad at all and will ask themselves why I’m making such an issue out of it. But perhaps there are others who feel the same way, who unconsciously experience fear themselves or stir up fear. Those who are wondering after this article whether the expressions really make sense, just like I did a while ago. They can then make their fellow human beings aware of this and can actually go through their everyday lives a little more “free.”

Of course, every opinion has its justification. The following sentences aren’t bad in themselves – but you’ll notice that they have a certain undertone.

Sentences that unconsciously made me anxious

“Be careful.”

As a child, I was supposed to put wood on the fireplace, “carefully.” I was allowed to climb the tree, but “carefully”. I drove to school alone, but “carefully.” Caution has always been a big issue for us and, to be honest, I have never found it bad or annoying. Until I talked to my therapist about the message that actually lies behind these sentences: If you’re not careful, something will happen to you. It’s also true. And nice of my parents to warn me. On the other hand, they subconsciously conveyed to me that something could happen all the time – actually always – and that I had to be on my guard.

One question from my therapist particularly stuck in my mind: “If your mother hadn’t told you ‘be careful,’ what would you have done?” Of course I would still have been careful because I didn’t want to burn myself, I didn’t want to fall out of a tree or have something happen to me on the way to school. Same with “drive carefully”: Would I drive carelessly and risk an accident just because no one told me to drive carefully? No! I was and am aware of these dangers myself. The request to “be careful” is often – but not always, I know – unnecessary.

“Take care.”

It’s similar to the typical parent saying “take care of yourself.” Sounds loving and it actually is. But there is still a certain undertone that says that if you don’t always take care of yourself, something bad will happen to you. And aren’t we taking care of ourselves anyway because that’s exactly what we don’t want? We know it – and at least we don’t need a constant reminder. I think the sentence is fine in moderation, sometimes even appropriate, for example when someone is sick and they don’t want to rest, but in many situations, like when you’re just walking across the street, not so much.

“Let me know when you arrive.”

The majority of women – but of course some men – among us probably know this: We go out together in the evening or at night, separate and ask the other person to definitely get in touch when he/she has arrived home safely. This sentence causes the greatest conflict in me. On the one hand, I also find it really reassuring to know that girlfriend XY is now in bed. On the other hand, there is always an undercurrent to this sentence – at least for me. There is a chance, not a small one, that something will happen on the way back. Because otherwise I wouldn’t have to be told to get in touch if everything went well?

If someone says this sentence to me before I have to go home alone at night, the horror scenarios of what could happen immediately start to appear in my head. Robberies, kidnappings and more. But I also know friends who don’t feel that way at all and I like to say the sentence to them before they set off.

What would help me instead of these “fear phrases”.

Very important: These sentences are not the only thing that caused me to be anxious today. This includes many other factors, experiences, the news situation and so on. Nevertheless, they probably contributed their small part. When I told my parents about the therapy session in which I had this realization, they immediately understood. It wasn’t at all about getting an apology, to show my parents that they did something wrong, because in my opinion they didn’t either. It was simply about conveying to them what had subconsciously triggered fear in me in my everyday life and how they – and of course also friends with whom I had similar conversations – can support and encourage me in the future. Together we came up with four encouraging sentences:

Also two sentences that show me that others have done it and I do it too, that the danger is only in my head:

Bridget