Our convictions, beliefs and worldview depend to a large extent on what we experience and have experienced – especially in the early phase of our lives. In our author’s opinion, the following beliefs are typical of people who have had many positive experiences.
I recently read a book – “We Begin at the End” by Chris Whitaker – in which, among other things, I highlighted the following passage, which is an excerpt from a dialogue.
- “What you’ve been through,” he said. “It isn’t fair.”
- “You sound like a child. The notion of fair.” She closed her eyes.
(“What you’ve been through,” he said, “It’s not fair.” “You sound like a child. The concept of fair.” She closed her eyes.)
The speakers are two children or teenagers aged around 14, Thomas Noble and Duchess Radley. Thomas was born with a slight disability and a frail stature, he is an outsider at school and has parents who love and care for him. Princess doesn’t know her father and grew up with a mother she could never count on. And a lot of bad things happen to her.
I highlighted the passage because the moment I read it, it became particularly clear to me that how we see the world, what we expect from life and what we believe in, depends, among other things, on what happens to us. What we experience, especially in our childhood and youth.
Admittedly, this is nothing new. Neither for parents who deal with parenting and try to be loving towards their children. Nor for adults who are working through trauma or other types of experiences. Nevertheless, it seems to me that in everyday communication and interactions with one another, the extent to which our life story – which in turn is a continuation of a longer story that began before we were born – shapes our personality, our beliefs, our opportunities is often overlooked. Because if it were taken more into account, I am sure that statements such as “it’s all a question of attitude” or “you just have to believe in it” would be made less often and less carelessly. Of course, we can interpret and make things up for ourselves and we have a certain amount of control over our imagination, our subjective reality. But some (wishful) ideas are difficult to maintain when experience refutes them again and again.
Sentences that only real lucky people can believe
Life is fair
If you are religious, you can quite easily believe in a higher justice and thus classify much of what happens in the world as fair. Everyone else has to be extremely lucky to never feel that life can be unfair. Some people are born disadvantaged, others cause harm without being punished for it, and still others do not receive the reward they deserve. I can understand the desire and striving for justice, I share the desire and would like to participate in the striving for it. But based on what I understand by justice, I find it difficult to believe in a just world.
I am good as I am
I could be wrong, but I would guess that there would be less interest in exchanging ideas on topics such as body positivity, self-acceptance or even self-love if everyone was happy with themselves and believed that they were great just the way they were. The vast majority of people are absolutely great, but my impression is that many don’t know or don’t believe it. Because many people keep experiencing that they should do more, be less of a nuisance, fit in more smoothly. That they are not loved and accepted unconditionally if they are just themselves. Perhaps very smart, strong, independent or special people can convince themselves to like themselves. Or it is reserved for those who are particularly lucky.
Other people want the best for me
Personally, I have a positive view of people, am trusting and quickly put my trust in others because I have experienced a lot of love in my life and no one has ever really hurt me. I consider that to be a great blessing. However, I know that other people do not want the best for me – they want their best. Or the best for their children, friends or sisters. People are empathetic, fundamentally cooperative and generally not interested in deliberately harming their fellow human beings. But often enough they do it anyway. Out of self-care, greed or other reasons. I may be an extraordinarily lucky person, but I cannot quite believe that everyone always wants the best for me (or could).