The unconscious belief that you are not good enough can be expressed, among other things, in inconspicuous little things, which in turn can affect your attitude to life. Three examples.
The deeper we have internalized a belief, the less conscious we are of it and the more naturally it flows into our decisions and behavior. This means that we sometimes live by rules that we have no idea that we are following and therefore never question.
This is not a problem as long as these rules work for us and we are comfortable with them. However, things can get tricky when they tell us to behave in a way that harms us. And with rules based on the belief that we aren’t good enough, that we don’t deserve to live, that can definitely happen.
It would therefore be advantageous for us if we at least knew that we hold this belief. Not that we can then immediately discard them or turn back. But we could at least question it, explore how we actually came up with it, and consider whether there might be alternative perspectives that we could imagine. For example, that we are okay the way we are and deserve to be in this world just as much as other people about whom we don’t think for a second, “phew, this person could take a little more time and more do a lot more.”
For example, the following characteristics could be indications that we tend to believe that we are not good enough.
Signs you secretly don’t feel good enough
Making things as pleasant as possible for others comes naturally to you
Suppose a friend suggests a restaurant for a date that doesn’t appeal to you at all: Do you say you don’t want to go there and give him an alternative that you prefer? Are you saying you’d rather go somewhere else this time, but next time you’ll go to that restaurant with him? Or do you immediately agree to comply with his suggestion and wish? And maybe don’t even think about whether you like the restaurant or not?
The thing is: you don’t have to go to a restaurant you don’t want to go to this time or any other time in your free time. If you don’t realize this, if the first alternative answer never comes to mind, it may be because you don’t feel good enough. Not good enough to express your needs and insist that they be noticed and taken into account. But why do you think the rules apply to your friend?
Negative feedback makes you feel validated
Even if you are happy about praise and compliments and feel rather bad when you receive negative criticism, do you find the latter to be justified and right more often and more easily, whereas you tend to put positive feedback into perspective? If so, it may be because you fundamentally believe that what you are achieving is not enough. That you might get away with it, but only until someone takes the time to take a closer look and realize that you need to do even more. Because from your point of view, what you create and can do is never enough on any level. But why do you think it’s okay with other people what and how much they do, regardless of the fact that there might be something to criticize and improve?
You settle for less than what others have or receive
If you don’t insist on being treated fairly and, for example, getting as much salary, cake or attention as other people in your environment who are comparable to you do, it may be because you are comfortable and don’t want a confrontation. But at the same time and just as easily, it can be an indication that you don’t feel good enough. That you don’t think an argument would be worth it. That you don’t earn as much as others because, from your perspective, you’re not worth as much as they are.
Conclusion
The belief that we are not good enough can be hidden deep within us and unconscious to us or very present in our thoughts. It can dress in modesty and reserve or in politeness and selflessness, and from it can arise psychological disorders and weariness of life. Where does this belief come from that a whole range of people share? How can we get rid of it or deal with it when it complicates our lives and harms our well-being? These are questions we can ask ourselves if we suspect that we secretly don’t think we’re good enough. Questions that we may need help to answer from a psychologist or therapist or someone we trust. At the same time, we can try to convince ourselves of a different perspective, namely that we are good enough, no matter what we do and create. Seen from the outside, when we look at all the people on this earth from the moon, there is even more evidence for the correctness of this view.