What we have experienced and experienced shapes us more than we often realize. But this can also go so far that our past literally holds us captive.
Our personality and our psychological patterns are complex; they are based on a seemingly obscure interplay of various factors: our genetics play a role, but also our past and our experiences. Our childhood, but also experiences from adult life, influence how we react in certain situations and how we deal with challenges.
This is completely natural and affects us all – but not necessarily to the same extent. Because there are people who are so held captive by their past that it massively influences their present. This is how you can tell whether you belong.
These warning signs indicate that you are living in the past
1. You feel triggered easily
We all have certain situations, sentences and feelings that provoke a strong reaction in us. But if you have the feeling that you are triggered by small things and react very emotionally in actually harmless situations, it could be that you have not yet faced up to certain things from your past.
2. Chronic overthinking
Do you sometimes catch yourself replaying long-ago situations and conversations over and over again in your mind’s eye and analyzing every word that you or the other person said down to the smallest detail? If you cannot let go of old conflicts and problems, it may well be that the past has too strong a hold on you. Because with old grudges you harm yourself much more than the person you hold it against.
3. Strong need for control
It is fundamentally a question of personality structure whether it is easy or difficult for us to give up control and trust. But if we have had certain experiences that caused us to lose our basic trust or that gave us the feeling that things only work if we ourselves control everything very closely, this can ensure that we are permanently under power and no longer at all come to rest.
4. Escapism
When everything gets too much, we sometimes feel the need to escape. We just want to get out of the unpleasant situation and distract ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with that; after all, it happens to most of us from time to time. But when escapism is our only coping mechanism for negative feelings, things can become problematic. If we constantly distract ourselves with food, partying, binge-watching, or something else instead of confronting our feelings, it can be a sign that we haven’t yet come to terms with certain experiences and emotions from the past.
Do you recognize one or more of these patterns in yourself? Then it might be helpful to take a closer look at these topics. What about your past has such a hold on you that causes you to behave a certain way in the present? It’s best to discuss this with a therapist or psychologist and, with professional help, you can work through what’s keeping you trapped in the past. And then develop strategies to get out of the negative loop.
Sources used: hackspirit.com, psychologytoday.com