Fighting negative thoughts is anything but easy. But certain thought patterns can actually harm us in the long term. That’s why you should take a closer look at these.
Do you also feel like you are overwhelmed by your (negative) thoughts? They just bombard you without you being able to do anything about it? Many of us are probably familiar with this feeling. But even if it doesn’t feel like it: We can work on it and break certain thought patterns. This may be more difficult for some of us than for others – especially if we suffer from trauma and these thought patterns are a protective mechanism. It may help to look at your toxic patterns together with a therapist. These four thinking errors can cause particularly great damage.
4 toxic thought patterns you should break
1. “I guess I was lucky!”
Imagine you’ve completed a project at work really well and your boss praises you for it. Or you’ve passed an exam with distinction. What do you think in such a moment? “Great, my hard work has paid off!” or rather, “I was really lucky!”.
Even if you might think at first glance that it doesn’t make much difference how you deal with it: it does! Because the first reaction is much healthier. You probably really studied for your exam or put a lot of effort into your job project. Your success is based on your performance – you can be proud of that.
But if you tend to always look for the reasons for positive events in random occurrences outside of you, you probably don’t see yourself as being in control of your life. But you are! Of course, you can’t influence every external circumstance, but you can make decisions, you can learn, you can make an effort. And once you’ve done that, you should be proud of your achievements and not see them as a coincidence that you actually had nothing to do with.
2. “Oh, it’s no big deal…”
The second unhealthy thought pattern goes in a similar direction. How do you deal with compliments? Someone tells you that your new hairstyle looks great or that your presentation was really good. Can you accept these positive comments and simply say thank you? Or are you one of those people who have a big problem with it and immediately put such praise into perspective? “Thanks, I only had my bangs cut so that my high forehead wouldn’t be visible,” might be your intuitive reaction to the hairstyle compliment. “Thanks, but I’m not at all happy, I stumbled over my words far too often,” you might respond to the praise for your presentation.
If you find it hard to simply appreciate a compliment and instead can’t resist the urge to put yourself down, it’s probably due to low self-esteem. You have trouble believing in yourself and seeing yourself in a positive light. Practice simply accepting it the next time someone says something nice to you.
3. “He:she is just so much better than me.”
Comparisons are part of human nature. From an evolutionary perspective, we even need them to be able to classify ourselves within a group. But in today’s world – thanks to Instagram and TikTok – comparisons are taken to an unhealthy extreme and are generally not very realistic. Do you only see people on social media who have their lives perfectly under control, are rich, slim and beautiful and who seem to be constantly chilling on the beach in Bali or the Maldives? Spoiler: These people aren’t always happy either and sometimes don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. They just don’t show it on their perfectly curated Instagram channel.
It’s only natural that our self-confidence gets undermined when we feel like others are doing everything better than us. But instead of immediately thinking, “I’m so bad, why can’t I be as successful and disciplined as them?”, you could try to take a realistic look at the situation: The person probably works a lot to be able to afford this lifestyle. And the glamorous trips are probably just work, and the person spends most of their time taking photos for social media. And they too are sometimes insecure and don’t feel as attractive as their Insta channel suggests.
You’ve already noticed that not everything is always as perfect as it seems. And you shouldn’t forget this thought when you feel like you’re not good enough.
4. “I can’t do that anyway…”
Our thoughts have great power. With their help, we can influence ourselves and even our environment much more than we often believe. This has nothing to do with esotericism or hocus-pocus, but simply with the fact that we radiate self-confidence – or not. If the first thing you think when faced with a difficult task is: “I’ll never manage that anyway”, then there’s a good chance that this is actually the case.
Even if it is not easy, try to believe in yourself and that you can achieve much more than you initially think. Self-doubt is natural, but try not to let it overwhelm you and instead look positively towards the future – and above all towards yourself and your potential.
Sources used: psych2go.net, psychologytoday.com