Psychology: Are you haunted by the ghosts of the past again? Let’s turn the tables – with these Ghostbuster strategies you can focus on the present with peace of mind.
There’s a certain smell that always takes me to my grandma’s kitchen. This will probably be a mixture of fried onions, freshly washed laundry and soap, but for me it means home. When the scent reaches my nose, it automatically transforms into a feeling in me – and boom, I’m sitting on my grandparents’ windowsill again as a blonde, five-year-old girl.
I like a journey back in time like this. So when I read everywhere that one should live in the present, I stubbornly cling to memories like this: But I don’t want to. I don’t think I have to, because what I want to say is: the past doesn’t always have to mean negative things. Rather, many of our memories still keep part of our history alive.
However, if we lose ourselves too much in them or the negative feelings gain power, they take over us, little by little, occupying our present and thus also our future.
Unfortunately, it is usually not the positive ghosts of the past that haunt us at night, that stand next to us in times of self-doubt and uncertainty. But those who have shaped us in a different way. The spirits who know that not everything was always peace and joy grandma cooking. These can be people who have pushed us to our limits. Who we didn’t want to let go, but had to. Or mistakes we made and still haven’t forgiven ourselves.
The ghosts of the past can take on a variety of shapes, scents, colors and feelings. We like to have some of them on our side. Others not only prevent us from looking forward – but from even arriving in the present. Time to say goodbye.
5 psychology tips to let bygones be bygones
1. Sweet Reminder: You decide who you are and who you want to be
The past shapes you, you find the cause of your problems in your childhood… yes, yes, that may all be true, but now let’s take a deep breath and let the ghosts rest. We don’t have to dig up our entire history for every hurdle we face today. That just means more work! Reflection is wonderful, but sometimes we tend to give our past too much power. The protagonist is still ourselves, we decide who and how we want to be today and we have all the tools in our hands in the present to decide for ourselves how we want to live in the future.
2. Clean out your brain
A lot of the advice sounds so simple, but it takes a lot of thought. That’s why it’s all about the hands: take a pen and write everything out. Letters to exes. To people we wanted to say something to. Anger, sadness, wasted hopes, put everything on paper that you don’t dare say. Sounds trite, but it helps.
3. Remember how it really was – not how you imagined it
Quite often I find myself missing not a time itself, but the idea of it. Our brain likes to play tricks on us; we consciously remember positive things and ignore negative ones. If you feel like you’re wishing you were back in time, stop the movie and ask yourself: Was everything really better then than it is now?
4. Learn to forgive – yourself and others
You can no longer change the past, but you can decide how you deal with it – and whether you want to let past mistakes determine your present and, above all, your future. We all make mistakes. Really. All. And there is definitely something to the phrase that we learn from them. But that only works when we accept them and stop judging ourselves.
5. Imagine yourself in 10 years
Do you want to remember your current phase of life by filling it only with the past? Build a life that will be your future. Just ask the ghosts: Why do you of all people appear again? What do you want to tell me? And once we have received enough answers, we are allowed to be rude and push them away. We’re too busy living in the now. So that the ghosts don’t catch up with us again in ten years!
And a little tip last: There is a lot of advice to positively influence you and your psyche. But there is nothing wrong with seeking help. After all, that’s what therapists are for.