psychology
5 habits of people we like to surround ourselves with
© Sabrina / Adobe Stock
We find some people intuitively pleasant, while others stress us out or even drain our energy. But why does it make us like having someone around us? These habits might have something to do with it.
Recently I had a moment like that again: I had a meeting with a friend coming up that I had been avoiding for a while. Even during the visit to the restaurant I felt a slight tension the whole time, although I couldn’t really say why. Objectively, my girlfriend hadn’t done anything to me, but something in her behavior – or in our being together – made me feel uncomfortable.
I was only able to really understand my feelings when I made a date with another friend that I was really looking forward to. While we were together, I tried to observe which of her quirks I found so pleasant – and which My other friend’s habits caused this subtle discomfort in me. In fact, I was able to identify some behaviors that make me like having a person around.
Of course, it is fundamentally very subjective which type of people we feel comfortable with and which we find difficult. As different as we humans are, our personal perceptions and feelings are also different. But there are some habits and characteristics that most people probably find beneficial and pleasant in others. And that could include these.
People who are perceived as pleasant do this differently
1. They are empathetic
Empathy plays a major role in human interaction. How well can the other person empathize with me, my perspective and my feelings? If someone doesn’t make an effort to understand me or reacts insensitively to topics that concern me, this can create an uncomfortable atmosphere in the conversation. After all, we humans want to feel understood and have the feeling that we are on the same wavelength as the person we are talking to.
2. They are honest
If I have the feeling that a person is not telling me the truth, the conversation quickly becomes cold and a certain distance builds up. Maybe she feels the need to portray her life as more dazzling or exciting than it actually is, or she deliberately changes an anecdote to her advantage. Or she doesn’t dare to give me honest feedback. Human closeness comes from showing ourselves vulnerable sometimes. We don’t have to tell the other person everything, but staying true to what we say promotes connection and closeness.
3. They are binding
We all get sick spontaneously or have to cancel a meeting for another reason. In general, however, it is very conducive to pleasant interactions if we show ourselves to be binding. If we consciously make appointments and then keep these promises. This gives us the feeling that we are important to our counterparts – and not just an option.
4. They don’t gossip
If a person constantly speaks badly about third parties to me, I quickly get the feeling that they might also say the same thing about me to others. Of course, we also talk to our friends about other people, about topics in other relationships or friendships that concern us. Here the sound makes the music, because when the person I’m talking to speaks appreciatively about other people, even if it’s about negative thoughts and experiences, I feel more comfortable and have the feeling that I can be more open myself. And not having to be afraid that people will gossip about me.
5. They ask questions
There are conversations within relationships where one person tells more, while on other days the other has more to report or process. In good relationships, this amount of talking usually evens out over time. But when a person generally asks us a lot of questions and wants to know something in detail, it often makes us feel comfortable in that person’s presence. In this way, she gives us the feeling that she is interested in us – instead of just seeing us as an emotional trash can into which she can dump all her issues and emotions.