psychology
If you have these problems, you have an invisible child inside of you
© jessica / Adobe Stock
Our childhood experiences shape us for the rest of our lives. These problems are typical of people who learned to make themselves invisible as children.
Some people get the idea from their childhood experiences that it is best for them or for others to be as inconspicuous as possible. When they make themselves almost invisible. What kind of experiences these are in concrete terms can sometimes differ greatly from life to life. Whether violence at home, lack of attention from mother and father, feelings of guilt towards siblings or hostility and exclusion in educational institutions such as day care centers and schools: the experiences that can be the cause of invisible child syndrome range from traumatic events to things that are simply difficult for children life situations to be processed.
While the term invisible child is not a fixed psychological term or diagnosis, it is well suited to naming this phenomenon, which in many sufferers leads to a number of personality traits and everyday problems that spring from this idea that emerged in childhood – for example to the following.
5 problems that are typical for people with invisible child syndrome
1. Attention throws you off balance.
You are sitting with a few friends, you are having a relaxed conversation, you are telling something and suddenly you realize that all or some of the group are listening to you attentively. Suddenly you lose your central theme, feel insecure, maybe even a little panicked.
Are you familiar with that? This could be because you intuitively associate attention with danger and negativity. That you’ve learned to avoid them instead of claiming them. This is typical of formerly invisible children. They are used to it and feel safest when others do not notice or register them, preferring to be silent listeners rather than active participants. Similarly confusing and frightening situations like the one described above include: receiving affection and interest from other people or being naturally considered in plans and social ventures.
2. You can’t communicate your needs.
Do you tell others clearly what you want? Or do you generally communicate your needs and desires in the form of suggestions or questions, such as “Would you like to see Mary Poppins in the cinema?” instead of “I’d like to watch Mary Poppins”? Very few people notice if they always only express their concerns indirectly, since this behavior usually stems from an experience from childhood and therefore feels natural and self-evident to them. But it is not. Anyone who has not experienced in their early years that their own needs are disturbing and unwanted usually have no difficulty as an adult in saying openly what they want.
3. You always look for the fault in yourself.
A relationship gets lost, someone doesn’t answer you or cancels a date, and you immediately assume you did something wrong? Something like this is also typical for people who harbor an invisible child within them – but not for many others. Invisible children live with the conviction that they deserve it and are responsible for it when something bad happens. In their interpretation, they offended, weren’t round, weren’t invisible enough. Even if others involved explain the situation to them and falsify their self-blame, it will be difficult for those affected to shake off the feeling that they have done something wrong.
4. You can’t believe other people like you.
Does it generally make you skeptical or nervous when other people want to spend time with you? When they signal you love, friendship or sympathy? And in return, do you feel relieved and validated every time you don’t seem to be a high priority for someone? This speaks to the fact that you have learned to feel most secure when you are invisible to others. That you think it’s normal or even right not to mean anything to other people. Invisible children have never been given the feeling that they are wanted and that their existence makes the world or the lives of other people better. That’s why they typically have a hard time accepting it even as adults and believing that they are important to someone and that they are doing good.
5. You rarely know what you actually want or think.
Is making decisions your middle name, so to speak? Do you almost never have an opinion and do you always prefer to follow others? This is also a typical result of childhood as an invisible child. Invisible children are usually so busy making themselves small and hiding that they have no free capacity to deal with their own perspective and their personal goals and values. What they want and how they feel about the world is irrelevant to them, their top priority is always not to attract attention. This is why, even as adults, they often find it difficult to make independent decisions and form opinions or even justify them.
As already mentioned: Even those who have not had any traumatic childhood experiences may have had the idea as a child for various reasons that it would be best to make themselves as invisible as possible – and thus have to process, understand and cope with a lot.
Sources used: muysalud.com, gedankenwelt.de