psychology
If you know these relationship problems, you may have imposter syndrome
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People with imposter syndrome underestimate their own abilities, skills and self-worth. You can read here how this can affect their relationships.
Imposter syndrome or imposter syndrome is a possible consequence of impaired self-esteem and some other personality traits such as a tendency towards perfectionism, pronounced performance thinking and the like. It manifests itself in the fact that those affected feel that they are overrated by other people and do not deserve praise or success at all. They feel like “impostors” and live with the constant fear of being “exposed”.
At work, people with impostor syndrome typically show a sometimes unhealthy high level of commitment. Most of them are very hard-working and perform well above average. In private relationships, e.g. B. friendships or partnerships, the imposter phenomenon is usually also noticeable – and can lead to the following problems and conflicts, among other things.
If you know these relationship problems, you may have imposter syndrome
1. You have the feeling that you don’t deserve the other
People with imposter syndrome typically see other people in a much more positive light than they do themselves. While they can easily ignore mistakes and weaknesses in others, they tend to see negative traits in themselves. This gives them the impression that their friends or partners are much more valuable people than they are – who they actually don’t deserve.
2. You are afraid of being abandoned if you do something “wrong”
People with imposter syndrome find it difficult to imagine that someone loves them for their sake, exactly for who they are. They believe that they have to develop or earn a friendship or partnership by doing everything right and perfect.
3. You need more confirmation than you get
“I love you”, “I like to be with you”, “Our friendship means everything to me” – people with imposter syndrome would like to hear such things from their loved ones all the time. Often times, their self-doubts are so strong that it is not enough for them to have someone spending time with them or being with them to convince them that this person likes to do it or is. If you do not get any explicit confirmation from your friend or your partner, fear immediately that the relationship could be endangered because the other party has now determined that you are not good enough.
4. You see what you take but not what you give
People with impostor syndrome are typically blind to what they do and what they give – but by no means what they: they get. In a relationship, those affected are very aware of what others are doing for them, but completely ignore what they are doing for others, or play it down and devalue it. As a result, they constantly have the feeling that they owe something to their loved ones and that they have to reciprocate, even if the relationship is actually in balance.
5. You feel like you have to play a role in order to be liked
People with impostor syndrome don’t believe they are lovable and valuable without doing something in return. They do not see their value and their specialty in their identity, their uniqueness or their emotionality, but believe that they have to earn love and respect through certain achievements and performance. Even in close relationships, they often tend to play a role in which they always try to please others and be the person they think others would want them to be. Anyone who has imposter syndrome thinks that they would be rejected and abandoned if you: flash through their real self. Because then everyone recognized what they think they know about themselves: That they are neither valuable nor lovable. But of course this is a huge mistake.
All of these points make it difficult for people with severe imposter syndrome to have close relationships and to feel comfortable in them. Because of this, many isolate themselves and become lonely. This in turn has a negative effect on their already cracked self-esteem. To break this vicious circle, the best way is usually yourself professional help seek to explore the causes of excessive self-doubt and learn to accept one’s worth.
Source used: Psychologytoday.com