psychology
If you have these problems, there is an invisible child inside you
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Experiences from our childhood shape us throughout our lives. These problems are typical of people who learned to make themselves invisible as children.
Some people’s childhood experiences lead them to believe that it is best for themselves or others to remain as inconspicuous as possible. When they make themselves almost invisible. What kind of experiences these actually are can vary greatly from life to life. Whether violence in the parental home, lack of affection from mother and father, feelings of guilt towards siblings or hostility and exclusion in educational institutions such as daycare centers and schools: the experiences that can underlie invisible child syndrome range from traumatic events to those that are simply difficult for children life situations to be processed.
Although the term invisible child is not a fixed psychological term or diagnosis, it is nevertheless well suited to describe this phenomenon, which in many of those affected leads to a series of personality traits and everyday problems that arise from this idea that emerged in childhood – for example the following.
5 problems that are typical for people with Invisible Child Syndrome
1. Attention throws you off.
You are sitting with a few friends, you are chatting in a relaxed manner, you are saying something and suddenly you notice that everyone or some of the group are listening to you attentively. All of a sudden you lose your focus, feel unsettled, maybe even a little panicked.
Are you familiar with that? This could be because you intuitively associate attention with danger and negativity. That you’ve learned to avoid them instead of claiming them. This is typical for formerly invisible children. They are used to and feel safest when others do not notice or register them and prefer to be silent listeners rather than active participants. Similar confusing and frightening situations like the one described above include: receiving attention and interest from other people or being taken into account in plans and social activities.
2. You can’t communicate your needs.
Do you tell others clearly what you want? Or do you generally communicate your needs and desires in the form of suggestions or questions, for example “Would you like to see Mary Poppins in the cinema?” instead of “I’d like to watch Mary Poppins”? Very few people notice when they only express their concerns indirectly, as this behavior usually comes from childhood experiences and therefore feels natural and obvious to them. But it is not. Anyone who has not experienced at an early age that their own needs are disruptive and unwanted usually has no difficulty saying openly what they want as an adult.
3. You always look for the fault in yourself.
A relationship goes south, someone doesn’t answer you or cancels a date, and you immediately assume you’ve done something wrong? Something like this is also typical for people who harbor an invisible child within them – but not for many others. Invisible children live with the conviction that they fundamentally deserve and are responsible if something bad happens. In their interpretation they were offensive, they weren’t round, they weren’t invisible enough. Even if others involved explain the situation to them and falsify their self-blame, it will be difficult for those affected to shake the feeling that they have done something wrong.
4. You can’t believe other people like you.
Does it make you generally skeptical or nervous when other people want to spend time with you? When they signal you love, friendship or sympathy? And in return, do you feel relieved and validated every time you don’t seem to be a high priority for someone? This suggests that you have learned to feel safest when you are invisible to others. That you think it’s normal or even right to mean nothing to other people. Invisible children have never been given the feeling that they are wanted and that their existence makes the world or other people’s lives better. That’s why they typically find it difficult, even as adults, to accept and believe that they are important to someone and are doing good.
5. You rarely know what you actually want or think.
Is difficulty making decisions your middle name, so to speak? Do you almost never have an opinion and always prefer to follow others? This is also a typical consequence of a childhood as an invisible child. Invisible children are usually so busy making themselves small and hiding that they have no capacity to deal with their own perspective and their personal goals and values. They consider what they want and how they relate to the world to be irrelevant; their highest priority is always not to attract attention. This is why, even in adulthood, it is often difficult for them to make independent decisions and form opinions or even represent them.
As already mentioned: Even those who have not had any traumatic childhood experiences may, for various reasons, have had the idea as a child that it is best to make themselves as invisible as possible – and therefore have to work through, understand and cope with a lot.
Sources used: muysalud.com, Denkenwelt.de