Finding the right path in life is often not easy. And knowing whether we have found it is another matter. Here you can read about the signs that psychologists say indicate that we might need to make some adjustments.
Our lives usually give us a multitude of possibilities and options, and on top of that we are given a very responsible task: to live authentically and choose a path that makes us happy. Because it suits us and is in line with our personal values, abilities, beliefs and desires. Most of the time there is not just one path, but many that meet these criteria. And yet it is sometimes not so easy to find one of these paths.
It can be that other people confuse us simply because they live differently than we do. Or that certain people have demands and expectations of us that we find hard to ignore (our parents, for example). Sometimes we just slip into some kind of stream and let ourselves drift along without really realizing that we never decided to jump in on our own.
Whatever the reason, if we notice that we are not on any of our possible paths, it would be good to put on the indicator and change lanes. But how do we notice something like that? Based on the publication Becoming Oneself: The Central Role of Self-Concordant Goal Selection by Kennon Sheldon (published in Personality and Social Psychology Review) suggest that you consider the following points as warning signals.
5 signs that you are not quite in tune with yourself
1. You often feel ambivalent about your goals, plans and decisions.
Whether it is about everyday things like going on a date with a friend or about groundbreaking life goals like applying for a job or saying yes to a marriage proposal: When we after If we often feel torn between our decisions and wonder whether we have made the right decision, Bella DePaulo says this can be a sign that the path we are on is not quite right for us. There are always phases or days when we doubt what we are doing. Do I even want to meet my girlfriend tonight? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Such thoughts are normal and legitimate – as long as they are not constant or recurring. When we are in harmony with ourselves, when we have healthy relationships and pursue goals that correspond to our personal values, then such doubts disappear over time because we enjoy what we are doing and feel that it is right.
2. It feels like a struggle to see your plans through to the end.
It’s completely okay to try things out and then just let them go if we realize that they’re not for us. Spanish class is a pain? How about salsa dancing? If we feel like we have to fight against ourselves to stick to something we have set out to do, it may not be the right thing and it would be better to let go and take a different path. Although we usually need to make efforts to pursue or even achieve our goals, if we identify with what we are doing, these efforts feel challenging and sometimes even exciting and can be managed with a reasonable amount of energy – without having to fight internal battles.
3. You downplay your goals and purpose in life when you talk about them with others.
If we stand behind what we do and it is consistent with our values and beliefs, we tend to be happy and enthusiastic about telling other people about it. It feels good to share it, we may even feel a little proud, and in any case we enjoy talking about it. If, on the other hand, we are reluctant to talk to others about our lives and our plans and instinctively downplay them, Bella DePaulo says that this can be a sign that we are not really convinced that we are doing something worthwhile or that we do not feel particularly successful at it. And it is probably not the right thing for us.
4. You feel social pressure to pursue the goals you have set for yourself.
According to the psychologist, if we do something primarily because we believe that others expect it of us or that we will not be accepted otherwise, it is very likely that it does not correspond to our personal goals and ideas. In many cases, we actually fulfill social expectations without really trying to do so – because our society is fairly open or because it does not care about us (it does not know us) and because people who are close to us do not, at best, have very specific expectations of us. Therefore, if we primarily follow our own compass and live authentically, we generally do not feel very strong social pressure on what we do – or do not do. In addition, our personal development, the growth that we perceive and feel, is more important to us than the opinions of other people.
5. You feel predominantly compelled to pursue the goals you have set for yourself.
Most of us have to work to earn money to pay our rent, our pasta, and our salsa class. In a way, we are forced to do so. But feel Do you feel this compulsion permanently? Do you feel it as particularly strong and present? Or could you imagine living your life in a similar way to how it is now, when you are completely free and financially independent? For example, because you enjoy it, are good at what you do, or see value in it? When we live in harmony with ourselves, we can usually want what we have to and feel less compelled to do our tasks than fulfilled by them.
Source used: psychologytoday.com