Being there for others and standing up for what we care about is important. But some of us tend to feel responsible for too many things. Are you one of them?
Especially during the Christmas season, we are often faced with an avalanche of topics and obligations: gifts, greeting cards, planning the holidays, appointments and celebrations during Advent, responsibility for family members and much more. How much of it we take on and where we manage to distance ourselves is a matter of type. And fundamentally there’s nothing wrong with caring about others and wanting to make things work. But some people, especially people pleasers, tend to take on too much responsibility – keyword mental load. These are the signs that show you belong.
These warning signs indicate that you are taking on too much responsibility
1. You don’t see yourself as a priority
The main thing is that everyone else is fine and you can rest sometime after you’ve done everything? If you put yourself low on the priority list, you’re probably one of those people who takes on too much responsibility for others – and too little for yourself. This attitude doesn’t do justice to either side in the long run, because if you don’t take good care of yourself, you won’t have enough energy to take care of others at some point.
2. You constantly feel guilty
Another warning sign of an excessive sense of responsibility is constant feelings of guilt. You feel guilty for saying no. For your emotions. Or simply for being yourself. If you feel like you’re not meeting other people’s expectations and demands, it may not be you that’s the problem – it’s other people’s expectations and demands.
3. You have a hard time accepting help
“I can do it,” she said, almost collapsing under the weight of her to-dos. We humans are social creatures. We need other people, we need community. One reason is that we can and should support each other. Do you find it difficult to accept help from others – or even ask for it? Then you might be taking on too much.
4. You don’t trust others
Your motto is: If you want it to be good, would I rather do it myself? This could be because you don’t trust others to do something well and satisfactorily. But why is that? Why do you think that only you can do the shopping properly or hang up the laundry correctly? If you manage to let go a little, it could help you see things more calmly in the long run – and maybe even improve your relationships with those around you.
5. You feel responsible for other people’s feelings
Another typical characteristic of people who impose too much on themselves is that they feel responsible for the feelings of others. And yes: Of course it is good and useful if we ask ourselves how our fellow human beings feel and what what we say and do triggers in them. But primarily we are responsible for ourselves, for how we behave – and not necessarily for how that is received by the other person. Because that usually only has partly to do with us and our actions and at least as much to do with the other person’s experiences and influences. So it makes no sense to burden yourself with responsibility for the feelings of everyone around you.
Sources used: instagram.com/dr.lalitaa, psychologytoday.com