psychology
5 Signs You Should Be Setting Clearer Boundaries
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Relationships are give and take. But when that balance is upset, the burden often falls on one person’s shoulders. These warning signs show you that you should differentiate yourself more clearly.
Sometimes everything happens at once: we are already standing in for a colleague at work and haven’t left the office on time all week, and now the boss is nagging us with another project – and once again we didn’t say no. In addition, a friend, our father and the neighbor ask us for help. And here, too, we fail to say that we can’t do it. Most of us know such phases in which everything just becomes too much.
The central question is how we deal with such situations. Do we endure everything stoically and take on one task after the other without grumbling, even though we have long since exhausted our strength? Then it’s time to set clear boundaries. Of course, this does not work to the same extent in every relationship and in every environment, but regardless of whether it is about the job, a friendship or another relationship: we can and should even stand up for ourselves and say when something is getting too much for us. Is that difficult for you? These signs will tell you that it’s time to differentiate yourself more clearly.
These warning signs show you that you should differentiate yourself better
1. You are constantly tired
Your energy reserves are at zero, you sleep badly and just feel tired? This is usually a clear sign that you are doing too much for others while neglecting your own needs. For a few days or maybe even weeks we usually manage to master our everyday life with all its tasks, even without rest. But there comes a point when we have to admit that things can’t go on like this. And now, at the very latest, we should clearly communicate where our limits lie.
2. You are very thin skinned
In challenging times we can be more sensitive than usual. We cry easily, get angry and get stressed immediately when things don’t go according to plan. Thin skin can also be a problem Be a warning signal that we should better use our energy and set ourselves apart.
3. You are only annoyed by others
If someone around you is asking a lot of you and you don’t dare to communicate that it’s too much for you, this can lead to you developing a dislike for this person. An example: A friend calls you every day to whine about her colleague and her job. It’s actually getting to be too much for you, you’ve got a lot going on yourself right now, and the way she’s using you as an emotional garbage can is sapping your strength. But you don’t dare say that sometimes you don’t want to speak or listen to their concentrated negativity. Your girlfriend probably doesn’t even realize that she’s putting too much of a burden on you. However, if you only eat your frustration inside yourself instead of voicing your boundaries, your friendship may eventually suffer because you – probably quite unconsciously – build up negative feelings towards your girlfriend.
4. You become passive-aggressive
In the worst case, such a dislike can go so far that you eventually only have snide comments left for certain people. Instead of communicating when something is beyond your limits, you secretly build anger. But because you probably don’t dare to let them out, the whole thing ends in passive-aggressive comments. “At least you have a job that pays well and there’s room for advancement,” you might say to your friend who complains about the demands of her job. By speaking out what’s really bothering you in a timely manner, you can avoid having such unnecessary bitching poison your relationship.
5. You take everything personally
If you regularly go beyond your personal limits and do not pay attention to your needs, your resilience suffers. Because in order to be resilient, we need a certain amount of energy and emotional stability, which is often no longer available. This can make us take things personally more quickly. This can be factual criticism of our work, a friend being late for an appointment – we relate everything to ourselves and can no longer distinguish between factual feedback or stupid coincidences and a personal attack on us. Relationships can also suffer from this – privately as well as professionally.
How to set healthy boundaries
By recognizing that your boundaries are not being respected, you are already taking the first important step. Next, you might think about what your needs are and what you lack for a balanced relationship with that person. If you are aware of this yourself, you can start to express these limits and to explain to your counterpart how you wish for certain things and what are absolute no-gos for you. It will probably take time for the relationship to actually change. Stay on the ball and reflect regularly on whether your needs are better taken care of or whether you need to communicate your boundaries more clearly again.
Sources used: yourtango.com, psychologytoday.com, psychcentral.com