psychology
early warning system
5 toxic traits we tend to overlook as long as they don’t affect us
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We can’t protect ourselves from everything in life – but we really don’t need toxic relationships. That’s why a small early warning system can’t hurt.
There is a trait that some people have forgotten these days, others consciously give up because it is increasingly being ridiculed by others. It is an elementary worldview that could in principle improve our society. It’s about seeing the good in people.
I can already hear them in my ear, the critics sitting there, whispering the word that is often thrown around in this context: But that’s naive! I don’t see it that way. Because in general we can train ourselves to be a little gullible instead of always accusing our counterpart of evil.
Still, there’s one small detail that you can’t ignore: it’s often the good people who get drawn into unhealthy relationships, be they romantic, collegial, or friendly. Who give more instead of taking – and at some point get nothing themselves. Who understand and listen a lot – and hardly get a word in. Those who trust and want good things – but are sometimes taken advantage of.
But you don’t have to become a bitter skeptic to protect yourself from such experiences, let’s call them toxic in modern times. All it takes is a little care, a little gut feeling—or just being aware of a few behaviors that make us sit up and take notice when we observe them in others.
Just because there are people with toxic behaviors doesn’t mean everyone exhibits them. Sometimes it is even ourselves who behave less than ideally, after all we are always influenced by our own history and personal circumstances. Nevertheless, these people can be basically good. So the following characteristics can help us to continue to believe in the good in people – they only serve as a guide, not to ignore everything else.
We mostly see unhealthy dynamics from the outside, once we are caught up in them, we hardly notice them anymore. That’s why there is no harm in having your own early warning system – one that protects us from toxic behavior before it has already taken hold of us.
5 behaviors that can help us identify toxic people early on
The world is bad.
Everyone has a bad day and it can be healthy to let your mood out. That is normal. However, if people initially evaluate everything and everyone negatively, it quickly becomes exhausting. Because in the life of such people you never start from scratch – you always have to cover a meter more to compensate for the negative impressions of you or to prove to the other person over and over again that the world is not bad. This goes permanently to your own energy reserves and in the worst case you lose sight of the small, beautiful things in life.
In principle, your life is more stressful than that of others or also: the who-does-worse competition
Stress is contagious. Yes, really! When we surround ourselves with people who are always stressed, we tend to feel more restless and nervous. Of course, this cannot always be avoided. But what is exciting here is how someone deals with the stress of others. If you notice that a person whose heart is being poured out has no words of comfort, but only a description of their own – of course much more dramatic – situation, this can actually end in a toxic dynamic.
Between-the-line gossip
This behavior can be observed wonderfully when you yourself come into a new community – be it a circle of friends or a college. The way a person talks about someone else says more about them than they do. It doesn’t have to be obvious gossip, sometimes mean side remarks are much worse, because they show that it’s better to talk behind your back than directly. So, to stay away from toxic people, one thing to keep in mind is that how they talk about others is probably how they talk about you.
You are surrounded by toxic people.
Almost every one of us has heard the “psycho ex-girlfriend” cliche. As soon as a person decides to independently withdraw from the lives of others, they are accused of lacking sanity. Caution, such stories always take two – and when someone always tells of themselves as victims, it is rarely the full truth.
Observe how they react to the successes of others.
This is actually a very effective toxic people detector: reacting to the successes of others. Can a man indulge? And rejoice? And is the joy sincere? How someone talks about them and their achievements in the absence of the successful person says a lot. And can help us make judgments when we’re not sure if we can trust someone.