Emotional abuse can look different and is not always obvious. All the better if we learn to recognize even subtle signals as warning signs.
Emotional abuse can occur in all kinds of relationships and can take many different forms. Most of the time it happens unconsciously, that is, the person who treats another person inappropriately at their expense and for their own benefit does not even know or notice that they are doing it. Typically, the abusive person is trying to compensate with their behavior for something that they lack healthy strategies to deal with.
Anyone who experiences emotional abuse may not always be able to recognize it as such or be able to classify it – but as a rule, the person affected senses that something is not right, that something is not as it should be, because they are being put through by it relationship in which the abuse takes place feels bad and uncomfortable.
The following behaviors can be signals of emotional abuse.
5 hidden signs of emotional abuse
1. Always demand an answer right away
Expecting an immediate reaction, for example to a text message or a call or even to a topic in a conversation, is a controlling behavior that usually results from insecurity and usually puts considerable pressure and stress on the other person. For example, if someone writes to you, how was Pilates yesterday? and sends a message ten minutes later, why aren’t you answering, what’s wrong? this could be an indication of emotional abuse. It is also concerning if, while you are talking, a person does not give you the time you need to express yourself. Such behavior usually makes us feel stressed and uncomfortable in a relationship and, for example, we are afraid to read messages because the other person will then see that we have read them and we feel we have to respond.
2. Refusing affection out of spite or revenge
If a person acts cold and distant after something happened in the relationship that didn’t suit them – the other person canceled because they needed time for themselves, for example – this is often a form of passive-aggressive punishment and rebellion against the boundaries that other people set. When confronted with such behavior, we often feel insecure and think that we have done something wrong or are wrong because it signals to us that the person in question seems to love or like us less than before.
3. Not explaining why you are angry/hurt – but expecting reparation
Being obviously angry or offended, but leaving the other person in the dark as to why, often indicates an excessive need for control and a certain degree of egomania: The other person should think about me, put themselves in my shoes and consider how to get me to forgive him:her. This usually works pretty well: When we experience such behavior, we typically develop feelings of guilt and actually spend a lot of time with the person from whom we receive the signal.
4. Downplaying what is important to the other person
Devaluing things that mean something to the other person, for example by showing obvious lack of interest, is a typical strategy for keeping someone down and torpedoing that person’s sense of self-worth and independence. If our counterpart tells us that what we are passionate about and what we are occupied with has no relevance for him or others, this usually triggers doubts in us and we begin to question what we do and what is important to us is.
5. Introduce the other person
Saying or doing something that triggers someone’s feelings of shame can also be a sign of emotional abuse – especially if it happens frequently in a relationship. Examples here would be statements like this is new to me, that you feel this way about this topic in a conversation with several people or an outing by the supposed person you trust in a situationally sensitive matter: My girlfriend always watches trash TV after everyone Those present have stated that they find it low-level or something similar. When we are ashamed, we feel small and insecure and develop inhibitions about opening up and confiding in other people.
Regardless of whether it is a friendship, partnership or other type of social connection: a relationship in which we repeatedly experience behavior like this is not healthy and does not fulfill the purpose that our relationships have – to give us strength and good to do. As difficult as it may be in some cases, it would be better to distance ourselves from people who send these and similar signals to us and instead spend more time with people who don’t – and with whom we feel comfortable.
Sources used: respectively-magazin.de, netdoktor.de