psychology
6 questions we should ask good friends more often
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Psychology: With good friends you talk about everything and nothing. But especially if you don’t see each other that often, you quickly sink into small talk. No more: Our friends really deserve these questions – and we deserve their answers.
At some point we know good friends almost as well as we do ourselves. At least that’s what we think. Our brain likes to play tricks on us when we’ve been friends for many years. We think we have the same person in front of us as we did 20 years ago – except that he:she has certainly developed just as much as we have. And then we suddenly stand there and our best friend seems strange to us.
That doesn’t happen all that infrequently – and it’s actually hardly surprising. Everyday life is not only a stress test for romantic relationships, the habit also creeps into friendships over the years. And suddenly you only talk about the same things. The job and how stressful it is. The old friend from back then and what has become of her. And the new recipe we tried. What we don’t notice is that we are moving away from each other, even though we see each other regularly.
We’re still talking. We just don’t ask anymore. In the fast pace of adult life, the dynamic of a friendship is bound to change. Meetings become rarer, topics more superficial. How to avoid this? How do you manage to keep talking tall instead of small talk – and not becoming alienated in everyday life? By asking the questions you may have asked 100 times. Because the answers to them may have changed – just like our friend himself.
6 questions that good friends always deserve
how are you really
When things have to be done quickly, we rarely answer honestly when asked how we are doing. Anyone who asks signals that they want to take their time – and that they are genuinely interested.
How do you actually deal with that?
Bereavement, relocation, resignation, diagnosis… inevitably we encounter some upheaval in our lives. In the acute phase, friends are always there, but the fact that cuts can and may change life in the long term is often forgotten and one concentrates on moving on. If we ask after some time, we offer our friends space and the feeling of being there for them even in the processing phase.
What keeps you up at night? What are you afraid of?
We all know them, the brooding spirals at dawn. What is it that is keeping your friends awake right now? Together we can get out of the mental labyrinth more easily.
Am I a good friend right now?
Metacommunication is the keyword here. It pays to talk about friendship itself from time to time. Because our needs change over time.
Are you happy?
Am I still on the right track? Am I really living my life or is it according to the ideas of my parents, my partner or my childhood ideal? This small question can open the door to big issues.
Shall we go on vacation together?
A vacation with friends can be so good! When was the last time you spent so much time together? Experience new things together, talk about everything that gets lost in everyday life or just be silent together again. A trip is the best way to recharge your batteries together.