Uncertainty can take many different forms and is often difficult to recognize as such. For example, who would have thought that the following statements are often due to uncertainty?
People usually have a great need for security. Some more, others less, but most of them will feel much more comfortable when they are safe than when they are unsure. This is one of the reasons why insecurity causes only a few people to utter the sentence: “I’m not sure about that.” For some, this may be mainly because they are not even aware of their insecurity or they do not want to admit it. For others, the focus will be on wanting to appear confident and authoritarian. But the result remains the same: there are many people who do not communicate uncertainty clearly. This in turn can lead to problems here and there.
Whether at work or in our private relationships, if we don’t know that a person is expressing insecurity, we can hardly react appropriately to this person. For many people, a typical, obvious, almost instinctive way of dealing with insecurity is to become aggressive and attack others. The same applies to animals: if a dog feels threatened or vulnerable, for example, it is much more likely to growl or even bite than when it is relaxed and feels safe. However, if a person attacks or aggressively approaches us, we may defend ourselves, be intimidated, avoid them, or do whatever fits our personality – but we most likely will not try to reassure them.
According to Stefan Falk, a coach, book author and expert on psychology in the workplace, we can assume that the following sentences are often an expression of insecurity.
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1. “I already tried that – didn’t work.”
According to Stefan Falk, insecure people are generally skeptical about experiments and changes. They would say almost anything that nips changes and new impulses in the bud – even if it’s a lie.
2. “That’s a stupid idea. Everything is fine the way it is.”
According to the expert, strong rejection and absolute statements are typical of insecure people. In doing so, they not only attempted to feign security, but at the same time to close off any room for doubt and discussion.
3. “It might work for others, but it’s not for me.”
According to Stefan Falk, many insecure people are just as afraid of change as they are of not being good enough – and for them that often means not being better than others. Being average or mid-table is often not enough for their unstable egos, so they always emphasize that they are special at every opportunity.
4. “Can’t we think of something else? That doesn’t convince me at all.”
According to the coach, insecure people are usually very quick to criticize something and reject suggestions and ideas – especially when it comes to changing things – without picking out specific details or offering alternatives. They always try to defend and maintain the status quo and their own standing.
5. “I don’t have time for that right now, my other priorities are more important.”
In Stefan Falk’s experience, insecure people often go through life with a relatively rigid tunnel vision and see many things that more secure, relaxed people perceive as inspiration, as unnecessary, unimportant distractions. In fact, if they said they had more important things to do, the main thing they were afraid of was getting lost.
6. “You have no idea how complex my tasks are and what I do.”
Whether offers of help, tips or suggestions, according to the expert, insecure people typically find it difficult to accept something from other people. In order to strengthen their own ego, they belittle those around them, convince themselves and others that nobody is able to grasp the complexity of their situation, the excellence of their achievements and abilities.
How can we deal with insecure people?
Whether we deal with insecure people at work or in our private lives, the basic prerequisite for getting along with them is recognizing their insecurities. Once we’ve managed to do that, we usually instinctively respond differently to them because we have a better understanding of their motivations and can more easily develop empathy. If we manage to meet an insecure person with calm, serenity and respect, they will feel less threatened by us and ideally relax a little. Then we can try to start a constructive conversation with her, for example by asking her to elaborate on her point of view and to share more of herself and her thoughts with us.
Another strategy for responding to insecure people is to avoid them if at all possible. We cannot and do not have to rescue every person that crosses our path. It’s okay if we focus on the people who mean something to us or who are otherwise essential to our lives. If we still have energy for other people, fine, if we don’t have that, just as fine. After all, it’s good enough if it’s not us who burden others with our insecurities.
Sources used: cnbc.com