In psychology we learn again and again: Setting boundaries is important. But where is the best place to start? Well, in everyday life – for example with these seven limits, the influence of which you can feel immediately.
For years we have been trying to break down borders. Between countries, ways of life, people. With all the construction sites, however, confusion can arise: There are definitely borders that are worth protecting. And our own.
As individual as people are, so are their limits. Most often we speak of them when it comes to crossing them. To approach them, to look at them, to realize that you are stronger than you think, to leave them behind. However, borders are not always there to challenge us. Sometimes they simply exist to protect us. If we ignore them, we negate our own needs. This often happens when we put others first.
That’s why we want to take a break now, take a closer look at our construction site and rebuild a few of the walls that we’ve carelessly torn down over the past few years.
7 borders that may be restored
1. Others’ problems are not my problems limit
The romanticized form of being there for one another is often equated with setting one’s own limits aside. You can call me anytime. I leave everything for you. I am always and immediately there when you need me. In some acute situations, these promises are necessary and correct. But not in all. When we are struggling with problems ourselves, we sometimes feel drained by our best friend’s lovesickness, our brother’s move or our colleague’s stress. That’s why the limit applies here: Other people’s problems are not my problems. I can try to be there for her. I can be helpful and do my best – but only if I have made sure beforehand that I have enough energy myself. Otherwise it may well be said: I don’t have the capacity for it at the moment.
2. The I’m off work limit
Flexitime is both a curse and a blessing, because at the latest through the home office we have exceeded their limits too often. Being successful at work does not mean being permanently available and immediately on the spot. So we should urgently rebuild the I-have-closing-time limit.
3. The time-for-me boundary
Also likes to get lost in everyday life when one appointment follows the next: time for yourself. You don’t have to be on schedule to not have the capacity for an appointment. We constantly drag ourselves to sports, meetings and dates with a bad conscience, just because we theoretically have a free slot in our schedule – but emotionally we are actually fully booked. We have crossed the time-for-me border too often, so that we should quickly feel its re-establishment – through more inner peace and energy.
4. The I-listen-to-my-body-limit
It doesn’t matter if influencer XY runs ten kilometers – if you get three side stitches after one kilometer, your body is obviously showing you a limit. The same goes for: going to work with a headache, actually with any kind of discomfort, because our body talks to us a lot. But we compare it too often with that of other people, who in our eyes are always doing better – that’s a fallacy. Every body has its own limit. And the same things are not healthy for every body. No more comparisons and the pressure that arises from them, we now listen to our gut feeling.
5. The decision boundary
Some find it harder to make decisions than others. But what is good for everyone is to set a limit behind the decision that has been made. No more “what if”, no more “I wouldn’t have preferred it” – a decision is a decision. This limit saves us a lot of rumination.
6. The I don’t have to be like everyone else boundary
Differentiating yourself from others can be incredibly liberating. Anyone else your age going to a party? build a house Buy a van, get married, have children, take a trip around the world, move to the country – too often we let ourselves be influenced by our environment, in which we think we have to “keep up” in a way. Sometimes we get on a path that feels completely wrong for us. So let’s raise the I-don’t-need-to-be-like-everyone-others line. And just live the life that feels right.
7. The I don’t have to justify myself line
For this limit we need no argument, explanation and certainly no justification.