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7 phrases that will help you recognize passive-aggressive people
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Having passive-aggressive people around can be very stressful – partly because they are often difficult to recognize. Seven sentences that you can reveal.
Do you have people around you who somehow make you feel bad and you don’t know exactly why? Who confuse you and whose actions and statements you can never exactly classify? They may be passive-aggressive people. They often send conflicting signals and are sometimes difficult to identify. According to bullying expert, anger management coach and author Signe Whitson, the following sentences are typical signs of passive aggressiveness.
7 phrases that will help you recognize passive-aggressive people
1. “I’m not angry at all!”
Passive-aggressive people deny their feelings, no matter how obvious they are. In particular, they would never admit anger – after all, their passive-aggressive behavior is usually based on the conviction that acting out anger generally makes a situation worse. Therefore, they suppress their anger, carry it around subliminally and constantly but subtly vent it on those around them in their passive-aggressive manner.
2. “Whatever you say, I don’t care.”
Passive-aggressive people avoid discussions and conflict talks or avoid openly taking a stance and standing up for themselves and their position. With statements like “if you think so, it doesn’t matter” they end the argument and act as if things were settled – but the other person clearly senses that they aren’t.
3. “I thought that would go without saying.”
Passive-aggressive people usually criticize other people covertly and from above. With comments like “I thought everyone knew that” or “didn’t know you had to say something like that” they make us doubt ourselves and feel small, without openly communicating what they expect from us or how we have disappointed them.
4. “Your high standards can’t be met.”
On the other hand, if you criticize a passive-aggressive person, they usually turn the tables and blame the other person for disappointing them. “You are much too perfectionist”, “you could have told me that” – with statements of this kind she clearly rejects guilt and responsibility and loads them onto her critic.
5. “Just kidding.”
Whether it’s demands, taunts or accusations, passive-aggressive people often make insinuations that hit us, trigger us or seem worthy of discussion – and then quickly put them into perspective or revise them by presenting them as a supposed joke. What we are left with is a stupid feeling, but if we want to address it, only the next stitch comes afterwards: “Don’t you have any sense of humor?” …
6. “Your kids are really sweet for the lack of time you spend with them.”
Passive-aggressive people often wrap the nastiest attacks in statements that at first glance look like compliments. They hit us where it hurts the most, but if we then react hurt and confront them, it means it was only well meant, but how sensitive are we. And we already feel doubly bad.
7. “What are you so angry about?”
If we show passive-aggressive people that we are angry or upset about something, they will react completely without understanding and act as if we are exaggerating. “But you open a keg too!” or “why are you getting so worked up about it?” are classic rhetorical devices to belittle our feelings and deny our ability to see and judge a situation correctly.
Sources used: Psychologytoday.com