Reconciling your own feelings, thoughts and actions is sometimes not easy. This word or this thought can make things even more difficult for us.
When we talk about authentic people, we usually mean people who live largely in harmony with their feelings and beliefs. For example, those who consciously decide to follow certain social trends but not others. Who resist external pressure when it pushes them in a direction that feels wrong to them. Who adopt traditions and values not out of principle, but because they can sincerely share them.
Such authenticity usually brings with it resilience and emotional stability, as it must be accompanied by a healthy and mindful approach to one’s own feelings, identity and psyche. Living authentically requires an examination of one’s own needs and peculiarities as well as one’s relationship to society and other people. That alone gives you an idea: Living authentically is not that easy or self-evident. Who has the time and opportunity to have an exchange with themselves every few years and update, correct or even create their own self-image?
Another important aspect that can prevent or make it difficult for us to live authentically, and which the American therapist Andrea Mathews discusses in a blog entry in “Psychology Today”, can be boiled down to a word that is often thought of in many people’s minds: Should, in this case in the first person singular (“I should”).
Anyone who constantly thinks “I should” is primarily guided by feelings of guilt
“I should be more grateful”, “I should eat less sugar”, “I should produce more output”, “I should see more of the world”, “I should take more care of my mother”. Thoughts like these are familiar to many people, some accompany them almost every hour of the day, a lifetime or at least for years. Such thoughts are usually linked to feelings of guilt, which can be annoying to severely distressing and accordingly restrict freedom of action and decision-making. And their cause are Ideas of an ideal self that we obviously cannot fulfill – and which may not be our own and don’t suit us.
As members of a society, we are fundamentally confronted with ideas and inspiration about what life can look like and what a person can be like. Thanks to the development of the Internet and the like, these ideas are becoming more and more colorful and diverse, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to see them as mere ideas and variants rather than as targets. Things like a majority consensus about what is good, successful and desirable, or stimuli like financial wealth or power can also make some ideas about life models seem absolutely right and draw us even more into their path. However, following other people’s ideas is a contradiction to an authentic life – if in reality they do not convince us. That being said, constant “I should” thoughts at least raise the question: If I really should, wouldn’t I do it if I could?
What we can do is enough
Admittedly, life cannot always consist of us responding to our needs and always doing what we feel like. The fact that we are part of a society gives us and enables us a lot, and if we want to take advantage of this, we in return have an obligation and responsibility to do what is necessary for the whole thing to work – to follow the rules and laws hold, for example, or follow the categorical imperative. What we don’t have to do is live with guilt for not doing or being more than we can do or be. Because we are not like other people, do not live up to all ideals or believe that we “should” when in reality we cannot want it with conviction. To be authentic, we must be able to feel and be convinced that we are enough. And if there’s one thing we could all really strive for, it’s to help each other achieve that basic feeling.
Source used: psychologytoday.com