psychology
expert interview
Help, this helplessness! How do I deal with fear of war?
© Mo Photography Berlin / Shutterstock
There is war in Europe. And many of us are afraid. What do I do when I don’t know what to do with my feelings? A therapist about how we deal with the current situation.
We woke up on February 24th in a different world than the one we fell asleep in the day before.
As I rolled over from waking up in my warm bed, someone else was woken up just 1,000 miles away to the sound of a bomb falling on their home. The fact is: I have the privilege of only knowing scenes from the war from film and television so far. People from Europe, not far from us, now get to see them when they look out of their own windows.
Since Russia attacked Ukraine, many of us have been in a kind of limbo. We all deal with the events differently, but the words war and Europe in one sentence should not leave anyone indifferent. Some panic. Others fall into a kind of rigidity of helplessness. Some can’t tear themselves away from the news. Others don’t even dare to open the News app. There is no right or wrong – that’s the first thing I learn from Andrea vorm Walde. I called the psychological counselor from Hamburg to talk to her about fear of war. The last time we spoke on the phone we were talking about what dating apps do to us – now what pictures of tanks and soldiers do to us. Yes, our world has changed.
The war in Ukraine – and our helplessness, which isn’t
But psychology also plays a role in this reality, because we cannot suppress our fear, but we can learn to deal with it. The former wouldn’t even make sense, as Andrea explains to me right at the beginning: “First of all, you have to realize that fear per se is not bad, it’s good. It wants to protect us.” In addition, it is above all normal in extreme situations: “All people have a need for security.”
For example, if I realize that I can’t stand certain pictures, it doesn’t help anyone if I look at them anyway.
But not everyone deals with it the same way. This realization can already help us to cope with our fear when our security framework starts to shake: “We have to take a close look at ourselves: what gives me security in normal life? It’s about developing a good instinct for oneself”, says the therapist. If you knew what helps you in everyday life, you could fall back on it in acute situations. There is no universal solution here – while some need peace and quiet, others feel comfortable, especially among people. “For one person that can mean exchanging ideas with friends, for others it means being well informed. Still others cannot bear these images of war. Then we really have to see who we are surrounding ourselves with and whether this person is good for us,” she guesses.
So this is how we can learn to keep ourselves safe in shaky times – by listening to our own needs. However, when that calls for a feel-good series on the sofa, it is quickly accompanied by a guilty conscience. We can’t have a good time here while the world is burning somewhere else, can we? “It doesn’t help anyone in Ukraine if we sit here with a bad conscience and therefore don’t watch a series,” Andrea contradicts me“It would help more if we watch a series and then donate 50 euros.”
But there is another good thing: Fear drives us into action
Speaking of donations: How do I deal with this leaden helplessness that’s on all of our shoulders while we’re watching the news? “Everyone’s like, oh god, there’s nothing I can do, but that’s not true“, interjects the expert. In fact, in many regions there are already organizations that collect things to help people at the border and on the run. Demonstrations are held and donation accounts are set up. This could even give meaning to fear, encourages Andrea: “There is one good thing: Fear makes us act. Just think about it: What can I do?”
Ultimately, we often carry the antidote to negative feelings within ourselves. We just find it difficult to call it up in emergency situations. It is all the more important that experts like Andrea remind us: “For example, courage helps against fear. It helps to become active against helplessness.” And never forget yourself: “If I notice, for example, that I can’t stand certain pictures, then it doesn’t help anyone if I look at them anyway.” Then rather collect a few blankets, donate and watch series. That’s okay too.
Andrea vorm Walde is a psychological consultant and coach, andreavormwalde.de