The illusion of insight is a phenomenon that particularly affects our close personal relationships and can sometimes put a strain on them. You can find out what this is all about here.
The following scenario: Two people sit opposite each other at a table. In front of one there is a box that is open at the top, a kind of shoebox. There are different items in the box, some of which have the same name – for example, a mouse for a computer and a plush mouse. The person sitting further away from the box can obviously only see some of the objects; for example, they can see the plush mouse and not the computer mouse.
Now the person sitting further away from the box is asked to tell the other person objects from the box that they should move. Since she only knows about one mouse, she says: “Please move the mouse.” Now comes the amazing thing: If two people who are strangers to each other are sitting at the table, the person by the box grabs the plush mouse without hesitation. If the two of them know each other or are friends, the person in charge of the box needs on average longer to decide on the right mouse, the only mouse that the other person can see.
The psychologist Doctor Leon Windscheid reports on this experiment in the podcast “Cared for Feeling” with Atze Schröder in the episode “The Art of Listening”. When I heard it, I spontaneously triggered the mind blow emoji in my head: Do we forget that people we know see the world differently than we do? The experiment was intended to test this theory – and it turns out it supported it. It was carried out more than ten years ago by a research team from the University of Chicago under the direction of psychologist Boaz Keysar; the test subjects were students.
Illusion of Insight: A misunderstanding that leads to misunderstanding
Boaz Keysar is a psychology professor at the University of Chicago. As part of his work, he primarily deals with communication and already has several systematic causes of misunderstandings and miscommunication can reveal. The experiment described illustrates a phenomenon for which the term “illusion of insight” is common: We expect the people we know to see the world the way we do. At least we tend to. The more familiar a person is to us, the more we assume that they understand us, agree with us, think and know what we think and know. When expressed so clearly, it seems absurd: Even the woman with whom I have been close friends for 80 years remains an independent person who feels, thinks and interprets like her and not like me. Who learns, develops and processes experiences in her own way, not in mine. But apparently it’s not absurd – otherwise we wouldn’t be subject to the illusion of insight in such large numbers.
A number of problems can arise from this: For example, we tend to communicate more carelessly, less clearly and distinctly with people we know than with others. We don’t always give them all the information they need to understand us because we subconsciously assume they have it. In addition, the illusion can lead to disappointment and hurt when it turns out that someone close to us has a different opinion or has misunderstood us – because we always expect insight from them. Another consequence of the illusion of insight, which Atze Schröder and Leon Windscheid discuss in detail in the aforementioned podcast episode, can be that over time we pay less attention and interest to people close to us. That we listen to them less, don’t ask questions, and are no longer curious about what they have to say. In reality, the illusion can ultimately turn into the opposite: Where we assume a view and insight, two views arise that diverge or pass each other.
Of course, the idea and expectation that we get along better and more easily with people we know and who know us than with strangers is not completely unfounded. On the one hand, it is quite possible that we actually think similarly and that this similarity is something that connects us in our relationship. On the other hand, in an acquaintance we can draw on experiences that allow us to make reasonably reliable assumptions about what is going on in the other person’s mind or what he means when he says something specific. But these remain assumptions; at best it is a question of similarity. A connection between two different, independent people. Maybe it’s not a bad idea to remind yourself of that every now and then. And if anyone needs a mnemonic for this: a plush mouse doesn’t become a computer mouse just because the two have a name in common.
Sources used: “Cared for Feeling” podcast, September 26, 2023 episode “The Art of Listening,” sciencedaily.com, news.uchicago.edu