Therapist reveals
Is it normal to be unhappy sometimes in a relationship?
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Can you be unhappy in a relationship sometimes? Or is that already a reason for separation? A therapist reveals what to do.
When we are unhappy in a relationship, it can manifest itself in many ways. For example, we distance ourselves from our partner and feel unapproachable. Maybe we’ll even argue. Sometimes there’s not even anything wrong, but being together still doesn’t feel the way we’d like it to. At this point, many people are quick to end the relationship. But is it really so bad to sometimes be unhappy or “bored” in a relationship? Or is that what makes a healthy partnership?
According to the therapist: Being unhappy every now and then in a relationship is not an immediate reason for a breakup
“Mindbodygreen.com” asked couples counselor and sex therapist Jessa Zimmermann about this topic. According to her, it is completely normal to be unhappy in a relationship from time to time. To illustrate this, she compares partnerships to jobs. So you can have your absolute dream job and yet that doesn’t mean that there aren’t days or phases when the work is stressful or banal.
Comfort and growth cycles in relationships
In romantic relationships, we go through two different types of cycles: comfort cycles and growth cycles. The Comfort cycles are phases in which the relationship feels positive and stable. Almost everything runs itself. We don’t worry about it. Just enjoy. In the Growth cycles On the other hand, we always find things in the relationship that we are dissatisfied with. Now we are called to work, grow and, if necessary, change. We have to recognize what our partner needs and take care of him/her and, conversely, make sure that he/she takes care of us – by openly expressing our needs.
To put it more simply: If things don’t go well, that’s the normal course of love and not always a reason for separation. What we often forget: relationships are work. All couples inevitably go through periods of dissatisfaction during which they have to deal with challenges. But this joint work brings people together and ensures that a phase of well-being and familiarity follows.
How do I know if the relationship is worth working on?
Of course, this only works if both people are willing to work on the relationship. To open up, talk about feelings, express needs and support each other in self-realization.
If you have the impression that your partner is downplaying your worries, fears and feelings and is not concerned about your well-being, then it cannot be wrong to take the freedom to end the relationship.
But before you take this step, it is always important to communicate. Do you feel unhappy in your relationship? Then figure out why you feel what you feel right now. Then ask your partner for a conversation. Express your concerns without attacking the other person. If you’re both ready to go through this phase of the growth cycle, then you don’t have to give a second thought to breaking up.
Sources used: mindbodygreen.com