We rarely notice habits ourselves. But they can ensure that others decide against our presence in the future. According to a psychologist, which behaviors can become too much for others.
That one friend who keeps saying the same thing over and over again. The best friend who gets upset about everything and everyone. Or other little things that you notice negatively again and again in conversation – or that others notice about you but you perhaps don’t: we all have subconscious behaviors. The good news: We can get rid of them by noticing them and working on them.
According to the psychologist, the following behaviors can occur Randi Gunther make people break off contact. On Psychology Today, she explains which unpopular patterns she encountered most often in her therapy sessions.
Typical behaviors that cause others to turn away from you
1. Indignation and quick frustration
These people have to get upset because of the smallest problems, some of which cannot be changed. If this happens too often, it will eventually become too much for others. In the long run, the conversation partners usually feel helpless and no longer know how to react, explains the psychologist. In addition, the person’s constant negative attitude brings them down. They often cannot understand why every little thing makes the other person angry.
2. Time pressure
The psychologist describes that the constant feeling of being late or having to leave soon can be a problem. This sometimes leads to friendships being neglected and others getting the impression that the time spent together is not that important for the other person.
3. Rehash topics again and again
Some people have to talk about the same problems that bother them over and over again. While they fixate on a topic and focus on every little detail, they usually ignore any input. They are so focused on their own experiences and opinions that other people’s tips bounce off them.
4. The center of attention
Everything you say will be referred back to him/her by the other person. For example with: “That happened to me too” – and then your own story follows and yours is ignored. The person also doesn’t remember what you told them. There are no questions about unfinished topics – and in conversations the focus always ends up on the other person, while your story apparently has no value.
5. Chronically late
Almost everyone has that one friend who is always late. This can be frustrating in the long run and for many people, not meeting deadlines amounts to a lack of appreciation. The problem is usually simply that the person simply hasn’t planned enough time for what happened before. Some people can come to terms with the fact that a meeting will never be on time. But for some, the wait becomes too much at some point.
6. Unreliability
Anyone who cancels a meeting for the third time must expect that at some point they will no longer feel like asking. Trust is one of the most important values in a relationship. It’s okay to not have time every now and then. But these people should then suggest an alternative date themselves in order to catch up on the meeting. Simply not getting in touch because the other person will take it into their own hands shows a lack of respect for the person and damages the relationship, explains psychologist Gunther.
7. The cent counters
With every undertaking, the statement is made: “I don’t have the money for that” – or you have to split the costs in the restaurant or for the savings menu in the cinema down to the last cent. For some people this is too strenuous in the long run. Of course there are people who have little money and in these cases friends will hopefully know and understand the circumstances. But cent counters are usually not that bad with cash, although they always suggest that. Activities are canceled or receive a money-related comment – and the excitement of doing something fun that costs money slowly disappears.
8. The victim role
For these people it is always someone else’s fault. Everything always goes wrong, nothing is right in their lives and the good things that friends try to point out are invalidated with a negative counter-argument. They seem to be partners with their suffering. Listening and the helplessness of not being able to change anything sometimes become too much for friends.
9. Sarcasm
Sarcastic comments usually harm others. If they are directed at friends who feel mocked or hurt, they can mean the end of a friendship. If a person’s feelings are constantly hurt by teasing comments, they will often turn away.
Changing behaviors is difficult, but not impossible
We can work on practicing empathy and fostering our own social intelligence. And active listening is also a matter of practice and improves conversations with friends. If you often find yourself brooding and have a very negative attitude, you can also try self-reflection, mindfulness exercises or meditation. If a person has been bothered by negative thoughts for a long time, it may make sense to talk about the problems in therapy. For some people, trying to change something themselves can lead to further insecurity. Namely when the desired successes don’t arrive “quickly enough” and you get the feeling that nothing will change anyway.
Source used: Psychology Today, PsychCentral, MindBodyGreen