Find balance
“Since I learned this, I have become more balanced internally”
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Sometimes the world feels black or white. It’s hard for us to see what’s in between. Our author has learned the ability to find her inner balance in such moments.
We all have automatic thoughts. Imagine that you are going to a busy event next weekend. You are likely to either feel joy because you are looking forward to the event, or you are likely to think something like “I hope it isn’t too crowded” because you are less comfortable in crowds.
It can be just single words or entire sentences that immediately come to mind about a situation. Or you have sudden physical sensations like shudders or goosebumps. If we pay attention, we notice that this happens quite often – almost always. This awareness of my automatic thoughts was the first important step in finding my inner balance.
Black or white – and nothing in between
Whether we have good or bad thoughts depends primarily on the situation. But experiences and current circumstances also play a part as if by themselves. As a teenager, when I thought about a snake in the zoo, automatic thoughts like “The snake will break out and eat me” would come to my mind – completely unrealistic, but I suffered from a strong phobia that made me feel that way. My brother, on the other hand, would have even kept a snake as a pet, so at that moment he thought “I’ll stick with the reptiles for the longest time”.
My example shows well what automatic thoughts are: They are often exaggerated and paint either white or black. That’s why it’s important to always – but especially in such moments – balance yourself internally.
How I balance myself internally
Automatic thoughts are individual and based, among other things, on experiences – we have already learned that. At this point it is important to internalize this again. At the same time, this means that the path to inner balance can look different for everyone.
For me it looked like this: I learned – figuratively speaking – to stand next to myself. This allows me to look at a situation from different perspectives, from the outside, so to speak, without noticing my strong feelings about it. And that brings me inner balance. Specifically this means:
If I notice automatic thoughts, especially negative ones, I stop and take a deep breath. Then I ask myself: am I assessing this situation realistically or are my feelings influencing me? It is almost always the latter. So I think about what other perspectives there are. What thoughts are helpful for me. Maybe also what I would say to other people who express these automatic thoughts.
This method actually works best when I write all of these points down by hand. This is the best way for me to question and realize things, to take on different perspectives. With a little practice, however, it often works well from a purely mental point of view – and I find my inner balance more and more quickly.