psychology
Since I understood one thing, I worry less
© simona / Adobe Stock
Worry is exhausting and can take up more space than we would like. One thought in particular helps our author to keep her worries within bounds.
There are many ideas that scare me. Being lonely, for example. Or sick. Being completely broke isn’t on my to-do list either. Or worst of all: losing another loved one. Those are the really scary ideas. But there is more. For example, I could lose my job. Or that I lose my wallet and I have to block everything that was in it and apply for it again. It could be that for some reason I will never be allowed to eat cheese again. Or suddenly had to work more than 40 hours a week. So much could happen that negatively affects my life – from major global crises like pandemics, wars and natural disasters to personal tragedies or events that I can attribute to my own stupidity – that I could easily worry constantly .
But I don’t. Not so much because I don’t think it’s going to work – that alone probably wouldn’t stop me. What gave me a great deal of freedom and relief from worries was the realization that not only could something bad happen, but that something will happen. My life cannot and will not always be nice and comfortable, and it cannot always be an uphill climb. At some point it will be uncomfortable and exhausting again, at some point I will have to adjust and accept that I have to get by and be satisfied with much less than I had in my most beautiful, happiest and richest months. It might not be cause for celebration, but it’s not a tragedy either. This is life. Sometimes it goes great, and sometimes it feels like a single penalty.
Certainty instead of uncertainty
This may sound depressing and pessimistic at first, but for me there have been more advantages than disadvantages from this perspective. By assuming that it will sooner or later, instead of fearing that my life could turn out negatively, I give myself a piece of clarity and certainty. That alone makes me less concerned with all the bad things that could happen and more concerned with what is right now. Oddly enough, I look at this differently – with more attention, appreciation and gratitude. I experience the beautiful and the good more intensively because I know that it is neither self-evident nor lasts forever.
I also deal differently with the uncomfortable sides of life, since I no longer see them as an eventuality, but as an inevitable part. I approach them with an attitude of “when it comes, will I be okay with it” rather than “if that happens, would I be okay with it?”. After all, I’ve experienced one or two dark times in the past and recovered from them. I’ve been through some of what I would now consider my worst fears. When it comes down to it, I’m more resilient than I can imagine.
Neither wait idly nor anticipate
The fact that I firmly expect that my life will not always be as beautiful and easy as in its best times does not mean that I am waiting every moment for something bad to happen. It also doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t do everything in my power to avoid something bad happening to me. Where I see risks and dangers that I can avoid with a clear conscience, I do it. Where I can take sensible precautions for a comfortable future, I do that too. But I cannot arm myself against a pandemic. Or a war. Or a storm surge. I can only react and respond to many strenuous things when they have already happened. And earlier I don’t even try – “don’t cross the bridge until you come to it”.
I know that my attitude will not get me through difficult times. You will always remain heavy. They will ask a lot of me, bring me to the brink of despair and the limits of my strength. I will cry. But they will pass. Everything in life is temporary. And I think that’s a good reason to worry less.