psychology
“Since I understood one thing, I worry less”
© simona / Adobe Stock
Worry is exhausting and can take up more space than we would like. One thought in particular helps our author to keep brooding in check.
There are many ideas that scare me. Being lonely, for example. Or sick. Being completely broke isn’t on my to-do list either. Or the worst of all: losing another loved one. These are the really scary ideas. But there is more. For example, I might lose my job. Or that I lose my wallet and have to block everything that was in it and reapply for it. It could be that for some reason I will never be allowed to eat cheese again. Or suddenly have to work more than 40 hours a week. So much could happen that would negatively impact my life – from major, global crises such as pandemics, wars and Natural disasters to personal strokes of fate or events that I can attribute to my own stupidity – that I could easily worry constantly.
But I don’t do it. Not so much because I don’t think it’ll do any good – that alone would probably hardly stop me. What gave me a great deal of freedom and relief from worries was the realization that not only something bad could happen, but that something will happen. My life cannot and will not always be beautiful and comfortable, and it cannot always be uphill. At some point it will be uncomfortable and exhausting again, at some point I will have to adapt and come to terms with having to get by and be satisfied with much less than I had in my most beautiful, happiest and richest months. That may not be a reason to celebrate, but it’s not a tragedy either. This is life. Sometimes it goes great, and sometimes it feels like one big punishment.
Certainty instead of uncertainty
This may sound depressing and pessimistic at first, but for me this perspective has resulted in more advantages than disadvantages. By assuming that sooner or later it will, instead of fearing that my life will take a negative turn, I give myself some clarity and certainty. This alone makes me less concerned with all the bad things that could happen and more focused on what is happening right now. Strangely enough, I look at this differently – with more attention, appreciation and gratitude. I experience the beautiful and good more intensely because I know that it is neither self-evident nor lasts forever.
I also deal with the uncomfortable aspects of life differently since I no longer see them as an eventuality, but as an inevitable part. I look at them more with the attitude of “if that happens, I can handle it” than with the question “would I handle it if that happened?”. After all, I have experienced one or two dark times in the past and recovered from them. I’ve been through some of what I would now consider to be my worst fears. When it comes down to it, I’m more resilient than I can imagine.
Neither wait idly nor anticipate
The fact that I fully expect that my life will not always be as beautiful and easy as it was in its best times does not mean that I am waiting every moment for something bad to happen. It also doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t do everything in my power to prevent something bad from happening to me. Where I see risks and dangers that I can avoid with a clear conscience, I do it. Wherever I can make sensible arrangements for a comfortable future, I do so. But I cannot arm myself against a pandemic. Or a war. Or a storm surge. I can only react and deal with many stressful things once they have already happened. And I used to not even try – “don’t cross the bridge until you come to it”.
I know my attitude won’t get me through tough times. They will always remain heavy. They will demand a lot from me, bring me to the brink of despair and the limit of my strength. I will cry. But they will pass. Everything in life is temporary. And I think that’s a good reason to worry less.