psychology
That’s why some people seem to annoy us for no reason
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Some people really drive us crazy – and we can’t say exactly what annoys us so much about them. There’s a simple psychological reason for this, which most of us may not necessarily like.
There are those people who only have to open their mouths and our heart rate rises rapidly. Actually, they don’t do anything special, they’re just there. Is it her voice that makes us aggressive? Or does that one word they always use upset us? According to psychology, there’s a much simpler answer to why some people evoke such blatant reactions in us. It’s up to us.
We project unpleasant issues of our own onto others
I beg your pardon? Should I be to blame if my colleague never gets to the point in the meeting or if my acquaintance drives me mad with a movement of his head? yep In many cases, we project our own feelings and issues into situations with other people. We reflect our traumas, unloved qualities and unresolved conflicts – and dump it all on the person who supposedly annoys us. The whole thing (usually) has absolutely nothing to do with our counterpart.
Therapist Jodie Cariss told British Glamour: “Often when we have a very strong reaction to a person, it can be a projection.” Even if we feel that our reaction is at least partially justified because the person is simply behaving in an annoying or stressful manner, our emotion about it is probably greater than is rationally appropriate. “Here we project shadow elements of ourselves onto the situation,” continues Jodie Cariss. According to the therapist, such aspects are mostly unconscious, often they are wounds that have not healed or topics and characteristics that we would like to suppress.
Projections as a protective mechanism: It’s better not to sweep in front of your own door
Let’s be honest: most people are much more concerned with themselves than with their surroundings. That’s why such a strong reaction to someone else usually says more about ourselves than about the other person. But we don’t do it with bad intentions. Rather, this mirroring is a protective mechanism to protect ourselves from dealing with these parts of our personality. Because that could eventually become uncomfortable or even painful. In the long term, of course, suppressing things won’t get us any further.
So the next time a colleague or an acquaintance really gets on your nerves with every little movement or statement, listen deeper into yourself. Because maybe the much-cited cliché applies here: It’s not up to you, it’s up to me.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, glamourmagazine.co.uk, everydayhealth.com