psychology
4 reasons why others see more in you than you do
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You think you’re okay? But you are not – you are much more than that! There are at least four logical reasons why this might not be so clear to you.
Bet you think you’re a lot less amazing and lovable than others perceive you? Maybe even than (almost) everyone who knows you better? Not that this would be the greatest drama in the world! A certain portion of self-criticism, a little modesty and a few healthy self-doubts are good and ultimately make you the great person you are. Nevertheless: You will not learn self-love if you are ONLY modest. That’s why you can remind yourself every now and then: You really are a great, unique woman! But don’t get your hopes up too high: You’ll probably never see it as clearly as others anyway. Why not? For example for these four reasons.
4 reasons why you have no idea what other people appreciate about you
1. You got used to yourself.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re 16, 25, 34, 43 or older: You already have a few experiences and moments with you and your characteristics under your belt! Your character, your point of view, your whole way – all of this is so familiar to you that you have become completely accustomed to it and take it for granted. But how refreshing do you think your direct manner is to others when they first meet you? Or how interesting and pleasant your restraint? Believe it or not: Others see special features and strengths in you that you no longer notice. And some people might even envy you for something that has been bugging you about yourself for years.
2. You get fewer compliments than you deserve.
You don’t get that much good feedback from others? No wonder: the world doesn’t just revolve around you! Except maybe your parents, no one feels responsible for constantly encouraging and pampering you. In addition, people who are insecure about themselves and have doubts (about 99 percent of humanity) find it incredibly difficult to simply compliment others.
For example, many would see it as an admission of their own weakness if they said to you: “It’s amazing how you stayed calm at the moment”. Because they think they’re admitting: “I couldn’t have done that.” Or they are afraid of appearing smaller if they admit their size to others. Yes, we all make life difficult for each other with this, but it will certainly not change any time soon. So just keep it in the back of your mind and remind yourself the next time you haven’t received a compliment for a long time (but all the more negative feedback, because that’s incredibly easy for most people).
3. You compare yourself to others.
One is slimmer, another quick-witted and the third already has a job at 28 that you can only dream of. Yes yes, there are exactly these three types in every woman’s life… We all compare ourselves to others and we don’t even have to open Instagram for that. After all, we are constantly surrounded by people, at work, in the neighbourhood, in the family, among friends – they are simply everywhere! And when we experience them like that, we can’t help but compare ourselves to them. In itself, that’s not bad at all.
Which is just a bit annoying: that we often focus primarily on what we don’t have and what works better for others than for us. Typical human! But the joke is: Others also compare themselves to you and then see first what they don’t have – crazy, right?!
Well, one day, when we all understand that different is just different and neither better nor worse, and we’ve learned how strong we are when we all band together and put our positive traits together, we’ll get over this “negative Compare” problem laugh heartily. And until then: Think more often about what YOU have, can and are and let the others be the others – completely value-free.
4. You desire appreciation from the wrong people.
Similar problem as with the comparisons: Most of the time we want what we don’t have (or can’t get). That’s why we fall for guys who don’t fancy us, want to impress co-workers who just don’t like our work, and generally want to attract people who are more critical of us. Silly! Because often enough we disparage or overlook all the people who love us and think we are valuable. In theory, they could often even teach us to perceive ourselves a bit more positively…
Video tip: 7 signs you don’t love yourself enough 