psychology
3 rules tell you if you should avoid someone
© KeyStock / Shutterstock
Getting rid of people who harm us, well and good. But how do we recognize such people? For example with these three rules.
Admittedly, I always try to distance myself coldly from people who aren’t good for me. And how many times have I done that? Once. But no joke: This one time (to my surprise) had such a positive effect on my life that I realized that I really could take this “avoid bad people” resolution more seriously and follow through more consistently. The only problem is: How can we tell for sure if we really should give up on someone or give them another chance? Because if I go out on my own: I screw up often enough and hurt others without wanting it or mean it badly. And I also want people to forgive me and give me another chance… Therefore: Here are three rules that can help people to avoid them.
These rules will tell you if you should avoid someone
1. Rule of 3
Harvard University psychologist Martha Stout writes in her book The Sociopath Next Door:
A lie, a broken promise, a neglected responsibility could be a misunderstanding. Two of them a serious mistake. But three lies, for example, means we are dealing with a liar.
So that means: Whoever cheats us three times, transfers us three times without a good explanation (and “stress” is NOT a good explanation), insults us three times, we should withdraw from him. Actions speak louder than words. Three strikes and out!
2. Projection rule
Psychoanalysts (such as Sigmund Freud, for example) use the term “projection” to describe a phenomenon that we colloquially often call “inferring from oneself to others”. People impute their own desires, fears, and intentions to other people. Basically, almost all of us do it – all the time, everywhere and above all: without thinking. As we live this way, we always see the world from our own little perspective. No one is so self-confident and reflective that this is clear to them at all times – hence: projection. And what does that tell us? Very easily: If we notice that someone only distrusts us, assumes bad intentions and suspects an attack in every remark we make, we should be very careful. Because he probably starts with himself first and foremost…
3. Vampire Rule
This rule is again all about mindfulness and self-observation: How do you feel before contact with the person in question? And how after that? If a person is permanently and primarily costing you strength, the thing is clear: Get out of their way! You should avoid energy vampires because in most cases there is nothing you can do for them.
Video tip: 5 signs you’re dating an energy vampire