Relationships
4 habits that prevent you from forming real friendships
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Some people seem to have many acquaintances but few close friends. This could be due to these habits.
Social contacts are important so that we are healthy and satisfied in the long term. How many friendships and acquaintances we maintain is of course up to us – and it is very individual how many of these relationships we feel comfortable with. But no matter whether you are more extroverted or introverted: Basically, we humans need other people.
As children, we often make new friends within minutes simply by sitting next to someone at school or playing soccer together. As an adult, it’s not so easy anymore. We are very busy at work, perhaps have a family and other obligations – friendships quickly slip further down the priority list. Nevertheless, some people seem to find it easier to form friendships than others. Are you one of those people who only have a few real friends and instead maintain loose acquaintances? These habits could be responsible.
Typical habits of people who have few real friendships
1. You are not there for your friends
Friendships are about give and take. We expect our friend to be there for us when we are feeling bad or need support. Conversely, this also means that we have to be there when our counterpart is in need. No matter whether it’s heartbreak or an upcoming move – our friends should feel like they can always rely on us. Because this is the only way real bonds can be created.
2. You don’t really care about others
Imagine your friend telling you in detail about her planned trip or about her son’s adjustment to kindergarten over a glass of wine together. Do your thoughts quickly drift off because you’re not actually interested in what she’s sharing with you? Are you just waiting for your turn to talk about your last date?
The older we get, the more our realities sometimes become more distant from those of our friends. Some have children, others focus a lot on their job, others have completely different interests. Even if you may not be particularly interested in the details of a new mother’s life because you don’t know much about children, listen to your friend and make her feel like she can share everything with you.
3. You are inflexible
Balance plays an important role in friendships. It’s not about calculating exactly who pays for which coffee or who visits each other and how often. But it’s important for your friendship that you both make compromises sometimes. Your girlfriend lives outside, you live in the middle of the city? Neither of you should expect the other to always take the path, so it’s best to take turns. Your friend goes to your favorite steakhouse every time he meets you, even though he’s a vegetarian? Make sure that you are flexible and ask him which restaurant he would like to go to.
4. You are not tolerant
The corona pandemic was a test for many friendships. Not just because contact restrictions have sometimes prevented us from meeting our friends. Also because the different perspectives on the pandemic and the associated political decisions have pushed many people’s tolerance to its limits.
Every person sees the world through their own unique lens, colored by experiences, influences and thoughts. In relationships – and especially in friendships – we should therefore exercise a certain degree of tolerance. Even if you don’t see certain things exactly the same way as your boyfriend or girlfriend, you shouldn’t deny him or her your own perspective. Real friendships should also tolerate different opinions on certain topics.
Sources used: denkenwelt.de, yourtango.com