Psychology: This is how you can protect your relationship from infidelities

psychology
This is how couples make their relationship safe from infidelity

At the party, the spark suddenly jumps: the person is exciting, is interested, the conversation flows and the chemistry between you is right. But is that a reason to risk your partnership? In these moments we often forget what we have in our relationship and what possible cheating could trigger in the person in question. And that is the basic idea that is supposed to save the relationship: empathy. Of course not with the unknown, exciting person, but with the partner who is waiting at home.

The perspective of others

It is said that if people try to imagine the reaction of their loved one in such situations, this can be one of the best strategies against cheating Psychology Today. It helps to think about your partner and try to understand their feelings before a possible affair occurs. This is an approach that ensures that you understand the person in the relationship better and feel compassion for him/her before anything even happens. According to psychologist Gurit Birnbaum, this even leads to people showing less interest in alternative people. This is what three studies she led have shown.

3 relationship studies – one statement

Study 1: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes

The researchers let the test subjects on three scenarios participate. In the first experimental setup, 66 women and 64 men were included. Half of the respondents were divided into further groups, i.e. two per gender. Before the interview began, participants were asked to describe a normal day for their relationship person. Once without further instructions and in the second group with the addition that they should take the perspective of their partner, including the thoughts, feelings and experiences of what they do in everyday life. They were then shown ten photos of very attractive and less attractive people who they were asked to rate as alternative partners. The result: Those who had previously taken the perspective of the partner showed less interest in the alternative people in the evaluation.

Study 2: Flirting in an interview

In another study setup with 82 women and 65 men, the influence of the partner’s perspective on the study participants was examined again. This time they chatted with an attractive person and exchanged photos. The participants then stated how high their sexual interest was in the stranger and how high they rated their connection to the person they were currently dating. Those who had previously put themselves in the shoes of their partner reported a stronger connection and were less interested in the person interviewing.

Study 3: Sexual Fantasy

The third study involved 65 women and 66 men. To begin with, they should imagine that the person they love has discovered their infidelity and put themselves in their shoes. Those assigned to take the perspective were asked to report from that perspective. The test subjects were then asked to imagine meeting an interesting, stranger one evening who made them feel good. With the addition that this is only available for one evening and one night. The participants then expressed their desires and fantasies and then their interest in loving encounters and sex with the person they were dating. Those who had previously empathized more with their partner showed a higher sexual interest in the partner and a less strong interest in the fictional alternative person.

A tactic that needs to be practiced

Putting yourself in the shoes of your partner is not something we practice every day or think about all the time. If an argument arises, we try to understand our counterpart and understand their feelings. Ultimately, understanding is a good way to resolve a dispute. But when cheating, many people lack the motivation to empathize with their partner, says Gurit Birnbaum, which is why affairs often occur. Loud ElitePartner Study 2020 31 percent of women in Germany cheated at least once, while among the men surveyed it was around 27 percent. Dealing more often with the needs of the other person can strengthen the relationship, regardless of whether an interesting stranger comes along or not. According to Birnbaum, empathy is the key to well-functioning relationships.

Sources used: Psychology Today, Research Gate, ElitePartner

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