The “Ouch Rule”
This is the secret of couples whose arguments never escalate
Expressing your feelings properly can prevent escalation
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Fighting in relationships is normal, but for some couples, arguments escalate more often. An expert tip to prevent.
In no relationship is there permanent peace, joy, pancakes. In principle, however, this is not a bad thing, on the contrary. Disputes have an important valve function, which can even strengthen the stability of the relationship in the long term. It is always important how you argue and there is an expert tip that should not escalate a dispute anymore.
Attention, danger of confusion: anger usually contains pain
Whether the notorious unpunctuality, the lack of sensitivity to cleanliness or other ideas of some situations – the reasons for arguing are at least as complex as we humans ourselves. However, they all have one thing in common: a feeling that has its origin and with the right communication easier to understand, especially in stressful situations.
In the argument itself, it is mostly anger that boils up and shows itself in the form of threats or unfair behavior. “People instinctively either avoid or attack when confronted in this way, both of which are divisive and destructive to the relationship,” clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel told Psychology Today.
Anger is usually caused by the same underlying cause as pain. “We get angry when someone has hurt us or we expect that they will hurt us,” says Lobel.
In both cases, the underlying pain should be expressed rather than the resulting anger. Usually there is better understanding and the anger dissolves. Provided that the partner is careful not to actively want to hurt feelings.
This is how the “ouch” rule works
Expressing your pain can take many forms, but the simplest of these is the word “ouch”. “This generally excites the attention of the partner and then during the conversation you can clarify what hurts you and how your partner can help to alleviate the pain,” explains the psychologist. The vulnerability has a de-escalating effect and the dispute takes a completely different course, which in the best case results in greater understanding.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com