Communication is not only about language. Crying can also be a way of communicating. And tears say much more than: “I’m sad.”
It has become a big topic, especially on social media. More and more people are showing themselves crying in public. In photos and videos. For a variety of reasons. But why are these emotional moments shared?
“I am a human”
While feelings used to be a private matter, today they have become more of a form of communication than ever before. A form of expression. And with a clear message, says sociologist Thorsten Benkel to “Welt”: “When people film themselves crying, it has a function. The function will not be to achieve more openness to feelings in society. Rather, the function is to show: I am a person who can suffer extreme emotional states.”
According to the sociologist, not all feelings are shared. The focus today is only on “legitimate” feelings such as joy or sadness and not on negatively viewed ones such as envy or resentment. At least so far.
Psychologist assumes cries for help
The Dutch psychologist Ad Vingerhoets also studies public crying. He declared human tears to be his field of research decades ago. One of his key findings: crying does not indicate sadness. “The real reason for crying is helplessness, not sadness,” says Ad Vingerhoets. “It is a strong signal to others: I need help.” And people who shed tears in public no longer seem to be looking for help only in their immediate environment, but now in the general public.
This is what it really says about you when you cry (in public)
If you cry, there is a clear need behind it: you want help, please. And that can come in different forms: by simply listening, by showing solidarity, or by specifically looking for solutions. If you share your tears publicly, your cry for help will be louder – probably either because those around you don’t see how you are feeling or because they can’t offer you enough help.
And even if sociologist Thorsten Benkel says that the purpose of crying in public is not to make society more open to feelings, we probably do it automatically anyway. We show that it is normal to have strong emotions. Everyone knows and has that. And anyone who has felt alone with it up to now and is afraid to ask for help in public – even in a small circle of friends – may soon be able to do so thanks to current developments. And that would be nice: because together we are always stronger.