“Never Give Up”, “Giving up is not an option”, such and similar perseverance slogans are read all the time. Giving up should definitely be an option – if it makes us feel better.
Social media is teeming with empowering stories from people who have worked hard to achieve their goals. They forged the perfect plan and followed it through to the smallest detail – despite all obstacles. All well and good, but what about the certainly at least as many people who have become much happier and ultimately more successful after giving up their unrealistic goals?
There are, for example, all the former medical students or bank trainees who gave up their studies or training because they realized that they would much rather look after children or write books. Or the people who thought writing was their dream and who sat doggedly at their novel night after night – until they admitted to themselves that they are quite content as marketing managers.
The same applies, of course, to relationships and friendships that we hold on to, even though we’ve known for a long time that it won’t work anymore. Isn’t it much healthier and liberating if we can honestly admit that sometimes giving up makes us happier?
Always nice to hold out? Don’t!
Why does giving up have such a bad rap? Of course, if you throw down the slightest obstacle in any situation, you will probably neither be successful nor happy. We need a certain amount of stamina to master everyday life with its challenges. But is “grit your teeth and pull through” really always the right approach?
In our meritocracy, it is often suggested to us that we are only valuable if we, to be precise: achieve something. And, according to the myth, this achievement ultimately includes hard work, as much stress as possible and achieving the set goals at any price. So when we make the decision not to pursue a goal any further, we consciously no longer fulfill our part in the meritocracy.
Of course, goals have their raison d’être and can be very useful. After all, they give structure to our lives and help us to fulfill our desires. They motivate us and make sure that we don’t lose heart, even in difficult times.
Set yourself free! When giving up gets you further than fighting
But: Clinging to something that is no longer good for you is never healthy. And that applies to relationships, jobs, beliefs as well as goals. It is only natural that our goals change throughout life. What seemed like the most important aspiration of all when we were in our 20s may not make any sense at all in our mid-30s. And to keep fighting doggedly for something that no longer suits us? Don’t.
In the long run, clinging to something can even make us ill. It’s much healthier to honestly admit that a goal or project is no longer right for us. Giving up at this point can bring us much closer to what actually makes us happy. We then have more time and energy for other things in our lives – be it other goals to work towards, relationships, hobbies or even just doing nothing to recharge our batteries. So we may have (mental) space again to find new goals and to see which wishes we really want to fulfill.
In order to make room for the new, we must first let go of the old. And that sometimes takes a lot more strength and courage than just moving on.
Honest inventory: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
But how do I find out whether it makes sense to keep fighting for something, or whether giving up is the better solution? To do this, you should listen deeply to yourself and, above all, be honest with yourself. The following questions and tips can help you.
5 questions to help you figure out if you should give up
First, step back and look at the situation from a distance.
- Is my goal really (still) the right one? Or am I just sticking with it out of habit and/or because someone else expects me to?
- Is it realistic that I can reach my goal or am I wasting my time and energy here?
- Am I getting closer to my goal or am I stagnating?
- Do I still have enough mental or physical strength to continue working towards the goal?
- Can I (mentally) cope with further setbacks?
If you answered no to one or more of these questions, it may be that giving up is healthier than fighting on. Still unsure? Flip a coin! The psychological trick behind this: The moment we toss the coin up, we often realize what outcome we secretly want. And this tendency can be a signpost for the right decision.
Giving up takes courage. And often more courage than going on. So instead of looking too much outside for solutions and calming our gut feeling with perseverance slogans, we should rather listen more closely to what it wants to tell us. Because nobody but us really knows what is right for us.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, zeit.de