Sometimes our thoughts are everywhere except here and now. This contributes to the fact that we have the feeling that our life is rushing past us. Why is it so difficult to be fully in a moment? Here we try to get closer to the answer.
Carpe Diem. Experience the moment. Be in the here and now with all your senses. It’s easy to say and the idea behind it is not bad at all. After all, we perceive moments as more intense when we devote our undivided attention to them. They touch us more, leave a stronger impression, have a higher chance of imprinting themselves in our memory, becoming a memory and, in a certain way, staying with us as such. It feels like life doesn’t rush past us that quickly, doesn’t seem so fleeting, doesn’t blur so badly when it is interrupted or permeated by moments that we fully engage with and in which we apply all of our energy Focus on a specific situation now and here.
But aren’t such moments far too rare? And don’t they get rarer the older we get? And getting harder and harder to bring about? At least that is how it appears to many people. And one reason that there could be something to it, according to the budding psychologist Grace Blair: Because we practice too little and therefore give up on living in the moment.
How we forget to be in the here and now
In many ordinary, everyday moments, our thoughts rush ahead. We do our job or household chores and deal with dinner or open to-dos that are due later. Often we also split our attention: we do our job or the household and watch the mobile phone or team news popping up or the television. We live in several moments at the same time, but in none of them with full strength. And then there is also: In our familiar surroundings and our usual activities and routines, we hardly notice any elements that make up the individual moments. We know the table we work at, the view from the window, the smell in our study, the feeling when our back touches the back of a chair. We block out everything that our senses give us because everything is known and irrelevant.
And so it can happen that we are in a moment that we would like to fully experience in order to keep it in our memories and take in a lot of it – for example on vacation or at our birthday party – , sometimes struggle with it. That our thoughts jump into the future and organize our day of departure, even though we have only just unpacked the suitcase. That we feel the urge to look at our cell phones while our friends are singing Happy Birthday to us. Or that on the second day we no longer smell the sea, because we smelled it yesterday, and therefore already know it and have forgotten how to intentionally pay attention to our sensory impressions. When, on 350 days a year, we don’t experience moments, but rather the same muddle that we just let pass us by, because he means nothing to ushow are we supposed to be able to switch suddenly on the remaining 15 days?
How we can relearn to be in the here and now
If there is anything to this theory by Grace Blair, at least it seems conclusive, it is clear what we can do to learn to live in the moment again: Practice. And not only in moments when it should work, but also in ordinary everyday situations that are perhaps not so memorable. What does it smell like in my study? What does my job or this activity mean to me, to which I devote so much time every day of my life? When and why do I find it difficult to give her my full attention? What does it give me to pick up my phone in between and watch Instagram stories or plan my dinner? Asking such questions in everyday life can improve our mindfulness and sharpen our view of what constitutes a moment and what it triggers in us.
In addition, we can endeavor to make our everyday life somewhat varied: Not always meeting the same friend, but surrounding ourselves with different people. Do not always run the same jogging lap, but vary. Do not eat lunch every day at 12 noon as a matter of principle, but when we are hungry or in the mood for it. Take occasional trips, try new things, experience things for the first time. With variety, our attention is usually raised more easily and naturally. As long as it doesn’t become routine.
Constantly being in the here and now is also not a solution (and not possible)
We do not have to and cannot experience everyone, everyone, every moment of our life with maximum intensity and keep them in our memories. We experience high points, i.e. particularly important, meaningful, impressive moments, and everyday things. And there has to be a difference between the two, because otherwise there would be neither one nor the other for us. That we get used to circumstances, fade out (known) sensory impressions, think ahead or think back – all of this makes sense and it is good that we can do that. But this other side of us, this ability to lose ourselves in the mere, complete experience of a moment, has its justification and belongs to us as well. Ideally, our life offers enough space for both sides. Because we can probably only feel really good, complete and fulfilled if we know, understand, accept and develop both sides.
Source used: psychologytoday.com