It seems obvious that sensitivity with regard to a partnership is a positive quality. You can read here which opposite trait, according to an Israeli psychologist, is surprisingly also beneficial.
From a: m ideal: n partner: in, many people would probably wish that they: he is as sensitive, empathetic, passionate and empathic as possible. Understandably. These are all great and valuable qualities, especially when we want to develop closeness, intimacy and an emotional connection with a person. The Israeli psychologist, philosopher and relationship researcher Aaron Ben-Zeév, however, sees another character trait as beneficial for a successful partnership, which clearly stands out from the series mentioned above and which probably very few people would mention when describing their ideal partner: in : indifference. At least to a certain extent.
Too much sensitivity can overload relationships
“Sensitivity is often believed to be a pillar of romantic relationships, and with good reason, but too much romantic sensitivity can overwhelm a partnership,” writes Aaron Ben-Zeév in Psychology Today. “A certain indifference can be very valuable.” Highly sensitive people, to whom statistically one in five can be counted, perceive many things particularly intensely. They are typically reflective and often feel when something is in the air without anyone commenting on it and before other people notice. Most highly sensitive people are very receptive to trifles, emotions and vibrations – but also to disaffection and negative things. In addition, they tend to be prone to stress and quickly overwhelmed.
According to the psychologist, it can be stressful for a partnership in which the participants are usually (spatially) very close and spend a lot of time together if one or both of them jump at every stimulus and ascribe a meaning to everything. Because not only does it make living together difficult and complicated, it often also promotes jealousy, anger and distrust. According to Aaron Ben-Zeév, countering a pronounced sensitivity with a certain degree of disinterest is helpful in establishing a healthy balance and ensuring a relaxed and respectful togetherness.
Moderate indifference encourages tolerance and respect
“The optimal approach to close the gap between hypersensitivity and total indifference is to develop a moderate level of indifference, coolness, self-control, respect for the values of: s partner: involved in and tolerance for minor negative peculiarities and behaviors”, writes Aaron Ben-Zeév. Ideally, we should be able to overlook character traits such as disorder or disorganization, but not be indifferent to essential personality traits such as ruthlessness or greed.
“Moderate indifference is a rational behavior that makes it possible to maintain a sequence of priorities: we accept that since we cannot change everything anyway, we should be less sensitive to the difficult and stressful sides of our: s partner: s”, so the psychologist. In other words, if the person with whom we share our life is basically loving, affectionate, warm-hearted and loyal, this is ideally more important for us than the fact that he spills with tomato sauce while eating spaghetti or is constantly running late. Sure, such ticks can annoy us and we can communicate that, but in the best case we don’t care about them in relative terms – i.e. in relation to other things.
A certain indifference serves to build trust
According to the expert, a certain amount of indifference is also important and helpful in order to trust: Since we cannot read the thoughts of our partner, we will not always understand why they: he behaves and how. Even if it is important to us and we ask, it can happen that we are not able to understand it one hundred percent. Can we feel in such a situation okay, I don’t have to understand everything It will be easier for us to let things stand and trust that our partner: has good intentions and acts out of love for us.
Aaron Ben-Zeév recognizes another positive interaction between indifference and trust in the results of a 2015 study: It showed that couples who have been together for a long time are more indifferent to other possible partners than singles or non-committal lovers and that they are find other people less attractive. Those who can be satisfied with what they have: they stop looking for something better and are less receptive to stimuli and temptations.
Conclusion
It is clear that in a partnership, as in any intimate interpersonal relationship, we need empathy, sensitivity, interest, and compassion in order to understand and engage with one another. However, as in almost all things, it depends on the dose. A certain amount of indifference and selective disinterest helps us to pay more attention to the really important things, because it is easier for us to ignore the trivial and let it be good. We will also develop a basic trust more easily if we give up the claim to want to understand everything the other person in our relationship to the last detail.
Source used: psychologytoday.com