Comparing yourself to others is healthy and natural in moderation. Not least thanks to Instagram and the like, we often take things to the extreme – to the detriment of our mental health. These tips can help.
Like many things in life, social media is both a blessing and a curse. It can bring us closer to other people, let us find new ideas and like-minded people, and inspire us. At the same time, Instagram, TikTok and Co. can also make us dissatisfied. Dissatisfied with our lives because this one influencer has such a beautiful apartment and constantly goes to the most glamorous restaurants. Or because the family life of our acquaintances always looks so harmonious, while we often have arguments and frustration.
The root of both evils: excessive comparison of our lives with those of others. And it’s not the comparison itself that’s the problem. This is completely natural and a healthy function of our brain. We need comparison in order to be able to realistically classify ourselves into a group and assess what we are good at and what we are perhaps not so good at.
That’s the real problem with constant comparison
It becomes problematic when we compare apples with oranges. And unfortunately we do that a lot – especially when we compare our normal lives to the curated, glittery version of other people’s lives. Often those whose source of income and primary occupation is making their life look great on social media.
The desire to keep up with others or, ideally, even surpass them is deeply anchored in us. One Harvard Graduate School study gave the participants the choice of whether they would rather earn $50,000 a year while their peers earn $25,000 – or whether they would like to earn $100,000 while the others have $250,000 on their payroll. The result: More than half of all participants would prefer to earn less, but more than those around them.
Exciting: In the same study, these people were asked whether they would prefer to have two weeks of vacation per year while others only have one week off, or four weeks of vacation per year while others even get eight weeks off. In this case, 80 percent of participants opted for more vacation days – even if others have even more. The researchers interpret the result in such a way that it is obviously important to us to look good in comparison when it comes to classic success characteristics such as income. We associate vacation days less with status, which is why most people here decide to take more vacation, even if they come off worse in comparison.
This study once again illustrates how unhealthy constant comparison with other people can be. Apparently it can even lead us to choose a worse outcome for ourselves – just so we can look better than others.
Do you always find yourself comparing yourself to others, even when it hurts you? Either because you are very self-critical and think that everyone else can do more than you – or because it is more important to you to do well in comparison to others, regardless of whether it is actually good for you? In either case, these strategies may help you compare yourself less with others and focus more on yourself.
This will help you compare yourself less with others
1. Be mindful
A first important step can be to consciously notice when we are comparing ourselves excessively. Be careful and listen to yourself: Does this comparison help you right now? Does it take you further? Try not to judge your thoughts or criticize yourself, but rather just neutrally observe what is happening within you. The more often you do this, the faster and more consciously you will feel it in the future when you make another toxic comparison.
2. Be realistic
If you ever find yourself doubting yourself because your life (supposedly) can’t keep up with that of the people you meet on social media or perhaps in real life, keep reminding yourself: Not everything is gold shines. You’re comparing your real life, with all the ups and downs that come with it, to the best, curated version of someone else’s life. A person who you probably know very little about, but who, like all people, probably has fears and insecurities, bad days and headaches. If you manage to look at this person a little more realistically, it can be good for your self-esteem.
3. Get motivated
Of course, comparisons can also have the function of showing us what we want for our lives. Here, too, it helps to take a careful look at your feelings and the person you are comparing yourself to: What exactly are you jealous of right now? Is there something about the scenario that you could realistically achieve if you took the necessary steps? So maybe comparing can motivate you instead of bringing you down.
4. Be grateful
It sounds like a cliché and a calendar saying, but it works demonstrably happier: Gratitude. If we regularly, preferably daily, remind ourselves of what we have, it can help us shift our focus. Away from what we supposedly lack and what is so much greater and bigger and better in others, and towards what we are rich in and what we can be grateful for. Whether it’s our family, a pet, coffee or the planned vacation, it doesn’t matter at first.
5. Do a digital detox
A simple but effective trick to combat constant comparison is to avoid social media for a while. Because it is precisely these platforms that usually make us constantly compare ourselves with others and therefore feel bad. A digital detox can help you to focus on yourself again, at least for a while. How are you really? What are you feeling like right now, what do you need? Why not delete Instagram and/or TikTok from your smartphone for a few days or a week and see how it goes for you.
Sources used: yourtango.com, scienceofpeople.com