Fighting negative thoughts is anything but easy. But certain thought patterns can even harm us in the long run. You should therefore take a closer look at this one.
Do you also have the feeling of being overwhelmed by your (negative) thoughts? They just pelt you without you being able to do anything about it? Many of us are probably familiar with this feeling. But even if it doesn’t feel like it: We can work on it and get used to certain thought patterns. This may be more difficult for some of us than others – especially when we are suffering from trauma and these thought patterns are a protective mechanism. Maybe it helps to look at your toxic patterns with a therapist. These four misconceptions can cause a lot of damage.
4 toxic thought patterns you should break the habit of
1. “I guess I was lucky!”
Imagine you have completed a project at work really well and your boss praises you for it. Or you passed an exam with distinction. What are you thinking at a moment like this? “Great, my hard work paid off!” or rather “I was really lucky there!”.
Even if you might think at first glance that it doesn’t make much of a difference how you deal with it: it does! Because the first reaction is much healthier. You probably really studied for your exam or put a lot of effort into your job project. Your success is based on your performance – you can be proud of that.
But if you tend to always look for the reasons for positive events in random events outside, you probably don’t see yourself in control of your life. But you are! Of course you cannot influence every external circumstance, but you can make decisions, you can learn, you can make an effort. And when you’ve done that, you should also be proud of your achievements and not see them as coincidences that you actually had nothing to do with.
2. “Oh, that’s no big deal…”
The second unhealthy thought pattern goes in a similar direction. How do you deal with compliments? Someone tells you that your new hairstyle looks great or that your presentation was really good. Can you accept these positive remarks and just say thank you for them? Or are you one of those people who have a big problem with that and immediately put such praise into perspective? “Thanks, I only had my bangs cut so that my high forehead wouldn’t be visible,” is perhaps your intuitive reaction to the hairstyle compliment. “Thanks, but I’m not happy at all, I got confused way too many times,” you might reply to the praise for your presentation.
If you find it difficult to simply appreciate a compliment and instead can’t resist the urge to belittle yourself, it’s probably due to low self-esteem. You have trouble believing in yourself and seeing yourself in a positive light. Practice just accepting the next time someone says something nice to you.
3. “He:she’s just so much better than me.”
Comparisons are part of human nature. From an evolutionary biological point of view, we even need them to be able to classify ourselves within a group. But nowadays – thanks to Instagram and TikTok – comparisons are taken to an unhealthy level and are usually not very realistic. Do you only see people on social media who have their lives perfectly under control, who are rich, slim and beautiful and who feel like they are constantly chilling on the beach in Bali or the Maldives? Spoiler: These people aren’t always happy either, and sometimes they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. They just don’t show that on their perfectly curated Instagram channel.
It’s only natural that it erodes our self-confidence when we feel that others are doing everything better than we are. But instead of immediately thinking, “I’m so bad, why can’t I be as successful and disciplined as they are?” you could try to take a realistic look at the situation: The person is probably working very hard to adapt to this lifestyle to be able to afford. And the glamor trips are probably just work, and most of the time the person spends taking photos for social media. And she, too, is sometimes insecure and doesn’t feel as attractive as her Insta channel suggests.
As you can see, things aren’t always as perfect as they seem. And you shouldn’t forget this thought if you ever get the feeling that you’re not good enough.
4. “I can’t do that anyway…”
Our thoughts have great power. With their help, we can influence ourselves and even our environment much more than we often think. This has nothing to do with esotericism or hocus-pocus, but simply with the fact that we radiate self-confidence – or not. If the first thing you think about a difficult task is, “I’ll never be able to do it anyway,” there’s a good chance that that’s actually the case.
Even if it’s not easy: try to believe in yourself and that you can do much more than you think at first glance. Self-doubt is natural, but try not to let it overwhelm you, but look positively to the future – and above all to yourself and your potential.
Sources used: psych2go.net, psychologytoday.com