For some, compliments are the biggest motivator, while others feel uncomfortable with them. An expert explains the psychology behind it.
How do you usually react when someone praises you? Do you mumble a few incomprehensible words, dismiss the positive words – or do you even ignore the compliment because you know best whether you did something well or badly? The psychologist Dr. On “Your Tango”, Judith E. Pearson explains what different types of compliments there are – and how we can really handle praise confidently.
Personality Types: How do you deal with compliments?
1. You don’t need external validation
This first type is highly intrinsically motivated and may therefore hardly listen when someone compliments them. This person doesn’t really care because they think they know best what they can do and when they’ve done something well. And by the way, even if something didn’t go so well. In this case, no amount of praise can change her mind if she is convinced that she has failed.
Being in good touch with yourself and relying so little on external validation can be a huge advantage. Such self-confidence can help us in many situations. But it could also be good every now and then to accept feedback from others – both positive and negative.
2. You only feel safe when you get external validation
The second type is the exact opposite: you need validation from others to truly believe that you have done something well. Even if the result should actually speak for itself, it only really feels like a success to you when others are impressed by it and tell you so.
The problem: If those around you don’t constantly give you this affirming feedback, you feel insecure and maybe even attacked. You could try working on your self-confidence and being realistic about yourself and your performance. In this way, you may learn to trust yourself more and gradually let go of your dependence on external validation.
This way you can accept compliments confidently
Regardless of whether you belong to the first or second type, it is often not so easy to accept a compliment in a relaxed and confident manner. We often tend to downplay positive feedback and dismiss it with “Oh, that wasn’t that great.” If you recognize yourself, you could say one of the following sentences instead:
- “It feels good to be recognized and seen.”
- “It means a lot to me that you say that.”
- Or, if it’s all too much for you, just look the person in the eyes and say: “Thank you very much.” That is completely sufficient. Resist the urge to add something else or make your achievement smaller than it is.
Sources used: yourtango.com, psychologytoday.com