psychology
5 Signs You’re a High Conflict Person
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Nobody likes arguments. Or? However, people with so-called High Conflict Personality seem to literally look for stress and conflict. Are you one of them?
There are people who seem to be constantly arguing with others. There are always conflicts and stress and disagreements. And they’re not talking to at least one person in their life right now. Sounds tiring? It is. Especially, of course, for the environment of these “high conflict people”. The term was coined by the American lawyer and therapist Bill Eddy. He describes people as “high conflict personalities” who extremely often get into conflicts with others and even seem to need it. From these signs you can tell whether there is such a high conflict person in your life – or whether you are even one yourself.
These 5 warning signs indicate that you have a “high conflict personality”.
1. With you it’s all or nothing
One of the typical characteristics of High Conflict Personalities is a kind of “all or nothing” mentality. They are extremely inflexible and can only imagine exactly one solution to every problem – their own. Anyone who is so narrow-minded and not very solution-oriented is practically looking for conflict. Because with such an attitude it is almost impossible to get along well with others.
2. You always want to win in an argument
High-conflict personalities really enjoy arguing. Much more important than a constructive solution for the For them, conflict is winning. Instead of really listening to their counterpart and trying to find a compromise, they become loud and aggressive and want to assert their point of view at all costs.
3. You’re up to 180 quickly
Another typical sign of such high conflict people is a short fuse. Anyone who gets upset very quickly usually tends to quickly enter into conflict. Such people usually have problems regulating their emotions and are therefore very quick to become aggressive if something doesn’t go as they imagine.
4. Your relationships are usually short-lived
This type of argumentativeness usually shows up in your interpersonal relationships. Because anyone who constantly seeks conflict will probably be avoided at some point. If your relationships and friendships are rather short-lived because the people in your life can no longer stand the constant arguments with you, this is a typical sign that you have a difficult personality.
5. You are often banned from the house
But the consequences of a high conflict personality probably show up at some point, and not just in relationships and friendships. Some people also express their joy in conflict externally and constantly argue with salespeople or service providers. This can mean that they are no longer welcome in many places. Are you banned from entering several shops or restaurants? Then it’s probably because of your argumentative nature.
High Conflict Person: What can you do?
Do you think someone in your life has such a high conflict personality? Depending on how close this person is to you, you can try talking to them about it and explaining how their behavior makes you feel. But be prepared that you may not be successful with this attempt. In some cases, it may be better to ban such a personality from your life – or minimize contact as much as you can.
Maybe you even recognize yourself in the warning signs? Then it is probably helpful to seek professional help from a therapist so that you can eventually get rid of your toxic behavior patterns.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, highconflictinstitute.com, yourtango.com