Quite hostile, please
Darn teeth grinding
© karrastock / Adobe Stock
Our author chews on one thing with great distaste that should keep her from doing exactly that. But such a bite guard prevents something completely different.
I often dream of my dentist. Unfortunately badly, although he is an attractive man. Concentrated, he bends over my face and asks with a frown: “Do you really always wear your splints at night?” Then I wake up in a panic. The pillow was covered in drool, and half asleep I tore said splint out of my mouth and threw it away. It’s lying out of sight somewhere on the carpet, so I’ll step on it sleepily in the morning.
A common disease
In the meantime, everyone I know has been prescribed such a plastic part. The German Dental Association warns that every tenth person suffers from what is known as bruxism, more women than men, most between 20 and 45 years old. It is not surprising that the number of people affected has risen sharply since Corona: We grind our teeth in our sleep to unconsciously cope with fears and stress. It is therefore safest to wear the part for the rest of your nightlife.
I tried! I know rails in hard and soft, for above and below. Instead of sleeping with it, I just chew on it all the harder. They smell like sticky aunt kisses, never put them in hot water or in a tablet cleaning bath (this will warp them), but should marinate them in vinegar (yuck) and then in lemon water. A mimosa requires less maintenance.
If you don’t want to crunch, you have to pay
The inconspicuous parts are also incredibly expensive – new track, new misfortune! I’ve already paid around 300 euros for it. Yes, the cash register pays for a standard plastic cover, but you have to pay for the advertised “individual functional analysis” of the meeting of my lower and upper jaw, for something custom-cast in the “master laboratory”.
Is it at least worth it? At best, splints should reduce the pressure on the teeth by 50 percent. Honestly, that’s not enough for me. It presses, keeps me away from precious sleep – and from kissing. Apart from me, has nobody noticed the correlation between more and more crunch splints and less and less sex in German beds? Even socks in bed don’t kill Lust that quickly.
Waiting to get older
So, if I have to choose between flat chewed molars, which the dentist, despite my protestations, likes to show me enlarged on his screen (“See?! Hardly any relief!”), and chronic insomnia – my teeth don’t have to look like one Replica of the Alps from above. Then just like Table Mountain, if you like. Unfortunately, reasons for grinding your teeth will not disappear at the moment with the “improved stress management” that is also recommended. Incidentally, the masticatory muscle should slowly weaken with age. That will help. Until then I could have Botox injected, but I don’t dare. So I will continue to lie to my dentist’s face: Of course I wear my splints at night! Under the pillow.