Real Talk: Entertainer Evelyn Weigert on the madness of being a parent

Brigitte.de: Dear Evelyn, you gave birth to your second daughter five months ago and are already back to business. how do you do it all

Evelyn Weigert: I ask myself that every day and those around me are also amazed at how I do it all. I don’t always notice it that much because I like my job so much and it doesn’t feel like work at all, but then I realize that at the end of the day my energy is completely gone and I’m just dead tired. But somehow it works, you swing from day to day.

Your new podcast “Hoppe Hoppe Scheitern” starts today. Why is?

In my podcast, every parent can tell openly and honestly, anonymously or not, what it is like for them to be a parent. I want to talk about the situations where you sometimes think: Fuck off – I don’t like it anymore. I can’t take it anymore or she thinks I’m about to jump off the balcony. And it has nothing to do with how much you love your children.

What helps you in such phases?

I’m the baddest mother hen on earth – I would love to lick my children all day long, but even though I’m a mom, I’m only human and sometimes I run out of breath, or I’m in situations that make me crazy overwhelm. But I think it’s so important to talk about it openly, because you often think: shit, that’s just the way it is with us. And then I hear from others, no, it’s the same with us, we often reach our limits. It’s just good for me to know: I’m not alone.

You show the real life of a mom unfiltered on your Instagram account and don’t shy away from the unpleasant side effects. Where do you get the courage and confidence from?

I gradually worked my way up to the fact that at some point I thought: I don’t care if anyone thinks that’s stupid or not, and I also have the impression that people celebrate it a lot more if you honestly say what’s going on . After all, all this fake shit doesn’t do anyone any good, except that at the end of the day, people also feel like shit because they think they don’t fit the norm because they don’t have the perfect family. But I can see that things are changing right now and you also understand that a family in which you quarrel or where you reach your limits with your child is just as perfect as any other because it is simply normal. Sweeping problems under the rug and hiding them because you want to keep the facade is so old school. That’s no good for anyone.

But if you read through how topics such as breastfeeding, nutrition, sleep etc. are being discussed in parent forums and on social media, you are already venturing into an absolute minefield…

Yes, every topic is occupied by some opinion. That’s okay, too, because each parent has their own view of what’s good and bad for their child. We also have different opinions and parenting styles in our circle of friends. It starts with the birth: some don’t want an epidural under any circumstances and I’m the guy: please give me everything you have. But there should always be fair communication at eye level and it mustn’t stop, that’s how you learn and deal with things, but this shaming and hating must not happen.

Many mothers put themselves under so much pressure because they absolutely want to do it right and please everyone, you know that too?

Total. For example, I breastfed my first daughter until she decided for herself that she didn’t want to anymore. Which in turn really hurt me, but in hindsight that was exactly right. I also started breastfeeding my second daughter and it worked great from the start because I knew how to do it without my nipples falling off afterwards. At the same time, it put me under so much psychological pressure to have to breastfeed this child and take care of the other toddler at the same time that she was really restless because she wasn’t really getting enough. That in turn stressed me even more and then it got more and more so that at some point I just cried and was completely devastated.

A vicious circle…

Yes, of course that wasn’t conducive to milk production either, which was then simply shut down completely. I woke up one night because the little one was hungry and realized that there was simply nothing more to come. Thinking about it makes me want to cry again, it was that bad. I really wanted to breastfeed because I firmly believed it was for the best and I ended up doing the same with the other child. It went so far that at some point, friends and family approached me and suggested that I add extra food or give me a bottle, because of course they also noticed how bad I was doing.

But unsolicited advice is also a delicate matter. how did you deal with it

At that moment, of course, I found it totally annoying that they interfered, but looking back it was good to get some kind advice. You can decide for yourself whether you accept it or not. But you should be really sensitive and see what situation someone is in, how do I express a tip or criticism. It’s just very thin ice, being a parent, and you should always keep that in mind.

What is the hardest part about being a parent for you?

That I’ll never really be on my own again, even when I’m on my time off, I don’t do well not thinking about my kids. It’s really hard for me to give up, sometimes that makes it really hard. Even when the big one is in daycare, I have a guilty conscience, which, strictly speaking, is just really stupid.

Many parents know the bad conscience, but the critics are also lurking everywhere.

The fact of being a parent is simple, what you do as a parent has a background and it is very different for everyone because everyone has a different life situation. You just have to respect that and you should always keep that in mind. Parents may have no choice but to send their child to daycare at a very young age. Maybe a mother feeds because she is burned out or because she cannot breastfeed at all. Perhaps a woman decides to have an elective caesarean section because she is so terrified of giving birth that she simply cannot cope. It is not for anyone to comment hatefully on this.

Where do you get the confidence in yourself as a mom?

I think that’s because I have a great mom myself, from whom I learn a lot and from an early age I was taught to have basic trust. But my big one is now two and is just getting into this terrible two phase, so I also notice that I question myself more often: Did I react correctly? What do I do now if she doesn’t stop screaming because she can’t get the lollipop? But that’s where you grow and you should be gentle with yourself because you’re doing it for the first time. It always helps me to exchange ideas with others. I often ask friends with older children what they did. And then I take what I think makes the most sense from their answers.

Do you have a mantra when you feel like you’re getting over your head?

Yes, I then sit down and consciously think to myself: It doesn’t give a shit now. Nobody will die. Sometimes you put so much unnecessary stress on yourself. So before I go crazy, I realize that it really isn’t that important right now that the kids go to bed at eight sharp or that the apartment is perfectly tidy. I then ask myself: What is really vital now? For example, tidying up is simply a waste of energy with two small children. And if the child still has Bolognese on its face and doesn’t want to be washed, it goes to bed with Bolognese on its face. Putting two small children to bed at the same time when your partner is not there is almost impossible. Developing a healthy sausageness totally helps.

What changed with the second child?

Whoa, I totally underestimated that. It’s just another person who comes into your life. Really awesome for everyone involved. I had also really forgotten how exhausting a baby is. It suddenly comes back to you when the baby wakes up every hour during the first night. But the coolest thing about being a parent is that you still celebrate everything in such a way that you forget all the bad things and only the good things remain.

Evelyn Weigert, mother of two, 34 years old, was born and grew up in Regensburg. She studies singing at the Music College Regensburg, a state-approved vocational school for pop, rock and jazz. After completing her studies, she took part in the Frank Elstner Master Class at the Axel Springer Academy in Berlin. She quickly made the leap to television: she presents numerous successful TV formats for ProSieben, ARD, NDR and Sky. Since the beginning of 2019, Evelyn Weigert has been speaking with Basti Heinlein in the most life-affirming podcast HEINLEIN & WEIGERT – say YES to life! about the positive sides of life

Bridget