Recognize and overcome fear of loss | BRIGITTE.de

Fear of loss?
3 strategies how to best deal with it

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Fear of loss puts a heavy strain on a relationship. We reveal here how you can recognize them and what you can do about them.

Some situations can scare us, and the fear of losing a loved one can make us very scared. If this situation occurs frequently or if you constantly think about the fact that your partner could leave you, fear of loss can also be behind it.

That’s behind fear of loss

Having fears is natural and sometimes vital. But when is the normal level of fear exceeded in a relationship? Those who suffer from fear of loss Constantly fears that his partner will abandon him – this risk does not even have to really exist. The fear of not being loved or recognized by the partner can also arise. Losing the partner is called existential perceived, i.e. the person does not dare to deal with the loss and to be able to continue living without this person (“Without you I can not live“).

Fear of loss does not always only occur in partnerships, it also occurs in relationships with friends, family or one’s own children.

These can be signs of fear of loss

  • Unhealthy jealousy: How much jealousy is normal? It all depends on the relationship and the story. If jealousy gets out of hand (compulsion to control, also secret control, self-doubt, frequent brooding about the partnership), this can indicate fear of loss.
  • Brackets: In order not to lose the beloved, the person concerned clings to the partner with all his might. Maybe gives up his own independence quickly and aligns his own life with the partner.
  • Fear of commitment: Yes, there is also the other case, namely that someone with fear of loss immediately avoids relationships. Why? So as not to get into the situation in which the person could lose a loved one. (We’ll tell you more about relationship anxiety here.)

It is through these simple yesterday that the relationship is strengthened

How does fear of loss arise?

The fear of loss often arises in childhood through drastic experiences, e.g. B the loss of a caregiver. In this context, the child is not adequately supported by the parents (or parent) or is not taught to deal with it properly and to process it. In the course of life we ​​have more and more experiences – even negative ones – which can unconsciously contribute to the fact that we get such fears confirmed again and again and solidify (e.g. the best school friend moves away, separation from childhood love, etc.) .

It can happen that the person quickly gets the feeling that people would want to leave him again and again – and try to prevent it with their own strategies (see the signs of fear of loss). However, this can lead to these people leaving them all the more, because despite the relationship, everyone needs their freedom and does not want to be constantly monitored. So what happens exactly what they wanted to prevent.

Difference between fear of loss and jealousy

Jealousy alone does not say anything about whether there is a fear of loss, but is usually part of life. If the jealousy becomes pathological, however, it is stressful for all those affected – i.e. at least the two partners, but sometimes also for the closer environment. Measures that (actually) should prevent the partner from leaving you, e.g. B. (clandestine) controls of cell phones & Co., testify not only of jealousy but also of fear of loss.

There are more helpful tips here: Fight jealousy with these strategies!

3 ways to overcome fear of loss

One of the first steps is to recognize that there is a fear of loss. How difficult this is, however, differs from person to person. Also the way of dealing with it. Possible solutions are:

  1. Change your own behavior: Questioning your own behavior can help you find out that your fears are unfounded. Chatting between your partner and your colleague is not just an attempt at fraud! If you suffer from such fears, ask yourself if there really are reasons for you to be suspicious and jealous, and if your constant brooding will get you (and your relationship!) Anywhere. Also ask yourself what would really happen if your partner left you ?! This is how you learn how to deal with the pain of separation.
  2. Support groups: Others can see some of their own blind spots that remain hidden from us – they can at the same time be a great support for us in dealing with it. In a self-help group, you can identify and work on harmful behavior patterns together with others.
  3. Professional help: Psychological help makes sense for deep-seated problems. One of the aims of therapy is to convey how the person affected can build trust and which specific changes in behavior make sense.

Tips for the partner

If you think your significant other is suffering from such anxiety, here are some tips you can try:

  • Address your fears directly to your partner and create awareness for possibly suffering from fear of loss. This is the only way you can seriously work on it.
  • Offer to help him identify and resolve harmful behavior.
  • Take your fears seriously, but reassure your sweetheart that there is no reason for it. Try to be as calm and relaxed as possible and avoid accusations.

If you want to exchange ideas about love and relationships with others, you can find the Brigitte Community Like-minded!