relationship
The 10 most underestimated dangers to a partnership – and how to avoid them
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The nastiest dangers are those that we don’t even recognize as such. But don’t worry: We’ll reveal 10 typical, unrecognized relationship threats – so that you can elegantly avoid them.
Infidelity, too little or bad communication, orgasm problems or other difficulties in bed and, of course, financial worries – most of them are likely to think that such things can torpedo a relationship and, in the worst case, capsize it. But we know it from Titanic: Often enough, it is the underestimated dangers that cause a ship to sink. In a contribution for “Huffington Mail“blogger and psychologist Kelly Flanagan presented his nine most dangerous icebergs for the partnership – and we think he has pretty much hit the mark with them. However, Flanagan also overlooked an iceberg …
10 underestimated dangers to the relationship
1. We love our partner for who he is – not who he wants to be
People change, partly because they want to. Or do you not want to become more mature, smarter, happier and more balanced …? Anyone who enters into a partnership with the expectation that the other person will always remain the way they have been met is likely to be disappointed sooner or later.
2. Despite the relationship, we are on our own
Overcoming loneliness is not so easy by throwing yourself into a partnership, because even in a relationship there will always be things that we can only work out with ourselves. But if this is not clear to us and we hope that our partner will free us from all longings and feelings of loneliness, he cannot meet our requirements – and we become frustrated.
3. The package we have to carry …
We’ve all been hurt or done something we’re ashamed of – maybe even broken someone else’s heart. In short: everyone has certain wounds and carries around with them one or two parcels from the past. Now it can happen, especially in a close relationship, that we are confronted with it and our wounds are opened again. We then foolishly (often unconsciously) resent our current partner, even though he is actually innocent.
4. The ego
Who likes to give in? Or does she admit that she was wrong and made a mistake? Swallowing your ego is difficult, even in a relationship. But that’s where you have to, because if two people insist on their point of view, they can neither pull together nor move forward together in the long term.
5. Life is chaotic – and so is relationships
It is impossible to be prepared for everything in life or to always have everything planned and under control. Most of the time we have to improvise and make the best of a situation that we hadn’t even ordered with fate. And the same goes for partnerships. If you want to be happy in your relationship, you have to give up your dream of the perfect partnership – and get involved with reality.
6. Compassion is more exhausting than expected
Feeling compassionate for one’s partner may sound like a matter of course for many, but the truth is, it’s not that easy. Entering into the perspective of another person not only requires strength, but also courage and a lot of trust, after all, we have to let go of our own. But if we cannot give or receive this supposed “matter of course” – what is the point of the relationship …? A fatal mistake, because trust and compassion can only develop with active involvement and sufficient willingness to take risks.
7. Children are loved more than partners
Yes, for some partnerships, according to Flanagan, their children are the iceberg. But they wouldn’t even exist without the partner. If that’s not reason enough to treat him as caring and loving as you …
8. Subliminal power struggles
We would all prefer to always get our way, even in partnership. That’s how people tick and that’s okay – as long as we admit it. Then we can come to terms with it and make sure that sometimes one, sometimes the other, gets their money’s worth. Otherwise we would sooner or later lose control of our relationship due to the sheer subliminal power struggles. And then being right doesn’t help much.
9. We are not used to being faithful
At work, with social trends and with technological developments, we don’t even start – we live in fast-moving times in which flexibility is a key qualification. But if we change jobs and mobile phones every two years, how are we supposed to get along with the same partner for 10, 20, 30 years without getting bored? In many areas of life, loyalty is no longer particularly valuable and that can be dangerous for a partnership.
10. We don’t love ourselves enough
Self-love and self-awareness are not something that a partner gives us – we have to work on it ourselves, before, during and next to every relationship. Of course, our treasure can help us, our partnership can be one of the pillars on which we build our self-esteem. But whoever goes into a relationship without enough independent and unconditional self-love and believes that the partner can fix it, simply expects too much. After all, the other person is only human and probably already has enough to do with their own self-confidence.
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Video tip: signs that you don’t love yourself enough