Similarities or differences?
These values really matter in relationships
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Many would like to know what the formula for a perfect relationship is. There is probably no single and correct solution, but we can use a few points as a guide.
Whether choosing a partner or in a relationship: Whether choosing a partner or in a relationship: there are things that hold a relationship together and others that tear it apart. According to dating expert Rachel DeAlto, three values are particularly important. She explains to CNBC Make it what a good basis for a relationship is and clears up old prejudices. For example, that opposites attract. Because in the end it is less the differences than the similarities that count, according to DeAlto.
Three similarities that are needed in the relationship
finance
One person wants to save, the other to spend. These behaviors don’t go well together, according to Rachel DeAlto. People in a relationship should agree on what they are spending their money on. Because otherwise it often becomes a contentious issue in relationships; but it does not have to be a reason for separation. Have you been in a relationship for years and keep getting angry about the topic? Then sit down and talk about your views.
- What did you learn about money from your parents?
- What are your financial goals?
- What financial fears do you have?
Find out how you and your partner feel about money and look for a common solution. For example, your finances can be completely independent of each other – or in a family it may make sense to set a limit for more expensive purchases or to set aside a certain amount per person that each person can freely dispose of.
family planning
One point should be clarified as early as possible: if one person really wants children and the other absolutely doesn’t, it won’t go well in the end. It is not a solution if one of you renounces the children, nor if the other decides to do so out of love.
Is it about which parenting methods you want to use or not use? Then you can sit down and talk about why you think an approach makes sense. Stay constructive. Do not devalue the statement of the other, but first listen in peace. Then it’s your turn. Take your time for such conversations and create a safe space where you feel seen and heard. Be clear: one conversation is usually not enough. Decisions like this sometimes take time.
way of life
One person loves to spend the days at home, the other wants to do things, meet friends, pursue hobbies, travel – this can cause difficulties, but it doesn’t have to. What partners should understand is that not everything has to be a couple activity. Some people need just that to feel connected – that’s fine, but it doesn’t work with every person. If it gnaws at you too much, you should listen to your gut feeling.
Is a person interested in doing things but not necessarily with their partner fine. After all, we can also travel with friends, go out to eat, do sports or do other things. It just has to be okay with both parties that this means less time together. According to Rachel DeAlto, activities or travel are even more important than personality traits. Introverts can often be great with extroverts if they agree on other things, the expert says.
Sources used: apa.org, cnbc.com, healthline.com