Everything between you and your sweetheart? Or are you not quite sure? In any case, psychologists use these eight criteria to recognize a healthy relationship.
A varied, fulfilling sex life, trust, one or the other little thing that makes your partner happy – definitely everything that is conducive to a healthy, happy relationship. But what, according to couples therapists, are the most important criteria by which they can recognize a healthy relationship? We did some research and asked.
8 criteria for a healthy relationship
1. You are there for one another – not everyone for himself!
In a healthy relationship, partners focus more on what they can give to the other to make them happy – and less on what they want or what they lack. You love “to give and not to get what you need yourself”, says Dominik Borde, couples therapist and relationship expert from Vienna. In his experience, couples who are happy with each other in the long term put the well-being of their partner above their own. Which of course only works if BOTH do it – because only then are both equally catered for …
2. You make your time together something special!
In a healthy relationship, partners rely on each other – but they never take each other for granted. They consciously take time for one another and value shared experiences that strengthen their bond. This is the only way, our experts say, that love has a chance of survival in the long term. (A little tip: 2-2-2 rule! Thank us later …)
3. You are best friends!
“For me, a healthy relationship is characterized by a deep friendship between the partners,” says the Hamburg couple therapist Eric Hegmann, because friendly values such as trust, benevolence and solidarity are essential for every partnership. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche also knew: ” Marriages fail not because of a lack of love, but because of a lack of friendship. ” And if even Nietzsche is of this opinion …
4. You say “I love you” – because you mean it!
In a healthy relationship, partners say the magic three words to each other because they feel them, not because they should be. “It is wrong that many couples use the words ‘I love you’ as a hackneyed formula that, if used carelessly, means nothing in particular,” says Borde. If, on the other hand, you consciously decide to say the words (and ideally look your partner in the eye), he can, according to the expert, feel the love in you through them.
5. Changes weld you together!
Change is a test for most partnerships. But: “In a stable relationship, the partners trust that changes cannot separate them,” says Hegmann. “With increasing experience, the partners become more and more secure when they experience that they have created common values and achieved goals. This creates confidence and optimism.” So while shaky partnerships tend to break due to serious changes, partners in a healthy relationship weld even closer together – after all, true love connects them.
6. You argue at eye level!
As US researchers found in a large-scale long-term study, couples who have the same strategy to resolve conflicts live longer happily and healthily together than those in whom the partners deal with conflicts differently. So if you prefer to actively and emotionally and assertively clear both disagreements out of the way, that is a good sign for your relationship. Likewise, if the two of you tend to wait for things to smooth out on their own. On the other hand, if you use different strategies, there is a greater risk that at least one of you could become unhappy in the relationship in the long term.
7. You are at peace with yourself!
A healthy relationship requires self-love and self-confidence in both partners. Borde: “Only when you are at peace with yourself will others be ready to love you for who you are. Anyone who takes refuge in a couple relationship because he feels lonely, cannot be alone or is looking for someone, who supports him in every situation, his partner will sooner or later get lost. ” Of course, your partner should look after you and support you in a healthy relationship (and vice versa) – not because you need it, but because he loves you.
8. You influence each other!
Huh? You shouldn’t change your partner !? Right! But in a healthy relationship, partners still influence each other, according to Hegmann, not actively, but rather passively. Because they admire, respect and just think of each other. Just like your partner is your best friend, she is also the most trustworthy advisor, the person to whom you entrust your secrets, and the greatest inspiration. It’s no wonder that happy couples often become more similar over time. Not because one is specifically trying to change the other, but because both – consciously or unconsciously – take over from the other what they particularly admire about him.
Our experts
Relationship coach Dominik Borde
© Dominik Borde / private
Dominik Borde is a relationship coach and offers through his “Social dynamics“in Vienna offers singles and couples support in overcoming a wide variety of problems and challenges. Among other things, he is currently inspiring with his practical seminar on the subject of” Love can be learned “.
Couple therapist Eric Hegmann
© Eric Hegmann / PR
The Hamburg couple therapist Eric Hegmann has many years of practical experience Online courses and tests designed to help singles and couples better understand themselves and overcome challenges. As before, Hegmann is also available to numerous people as a therapist.