For some people, a temporary separation saves their relationship, while for others it robs them of their last reserves of strength. Does a relationship break make sense?
“I need a break” – who would like to hear this sentence from their partner? The reasons for one Relationship break can be very different – but mostly it is the desire for clarity that is intended to bring a temporary separation to light. Clarity about your own feelings, about your favorite person, about your own perspective, needs and wishes.
If you ask around, the relationship break has a bad reputation. People quickly turn up their noses and that definitive end of the relationship prophesied. Of course, a temporary separation is not what we imagine an intact relationship to be, but is it as counterproductive as we assume?
What are the reasons for a relationship break?
1. You don’t like coming home anymore
Your evenings together no longer spark joy in you? Would you rather spend time alone or with friends instead of with your sweetheart? A temporary separation lets you find out whether you still have feelings for your partner and whether you develop longing.
2. You don’t see the future together
If you imagine that the situation in five years would be the same as it is now, do you want to run away immediately? To find out whether this is just a bad phase or whether it actually reflects reality, taking a break from the relationship can help. It brings clarity, but possibly also the change you need.
3. It’s all too much right now
Sometimes it really depends on you: job, family, friendships – balancing everything can sometimes overwhelm you and cause us to lose our own focus. If you first have to be clear about where you currently stand, a temporary separation can relieve some of the pressure and bring you back to your own needs.
4. Emotions are constantly boiling over
Your partner is actually doing everything wrong? The way he/she talks, the way he/she eats, the way he/she does certain things – and you just find fault with him/her and you worry that the walls are shaking? A relationship definitely doesn’t bring joy. Distance yourself for a while can lead you to your common ground. After all, you found people great in all their facets, didn’t you?
5. An argument made a big dent
One of you really screwed up? This can really shake trust and love. If the relationship is suddenly on the rocks and you simply need time to recover from the action and think about possible consequences for the future together, taking a break from the relationship can bring clarity.
6. You are unsure of your feelings
Although you are aware that you have a really great person at your side and that together you make a fantastic team, you still lack the feeling that it is really love. And not just a platonic love. Distance can help to awaken feelings again – or even bring clarity to the fact that it is not enough for a lifelong relationship.
What do you mean by a relationship break?
Often it is a part of the relationship that wants the break. This decision usually hits the other person quite hard – and for both of them, a break is often an additional one emotional stress. It should be there to think about yourself, your partner and the future together. The desire to continue the relationship should be present in both partners. If it is already clear to you that this relationship will not last much longer and there is no alternative to separation, the line should be drawn straight away. A break in a relationship is not a separation in installments – in order to perhaps avoid confronting your partner with a fait accompli. It is a rescue operationto which also a lot courage and will include working on yourself and your relationship. Your goal shouldn’t be to take a few weeks off, then return to your home, which is actually quite nice, and then take a break again when things get complicated again. If you have problems talking about your relationship, a dialogue can help you.
Rules for the break in a relationship: how should you behave?
Every temporary separation is individual. So that the relationship does not suffer from the different ideas about a relationship break, it should be clarified in advance in a conversation what the break should look like. Yes, as unsexy as it sounds, you can definitely set up a few rules – provided both people agree with the “rules”. This can prevent disappointments and false expectations.
1. Duration of the break in the relationship
How long you want to “separate” from each other depends on you and your needs. For some people a week is already too long, for others it might be several months. In fact, relationship guides recommend taking a break from at least two to a maximum of five months. In the optimal case, there is also a spatial separation during this time. During this time you can create space for yourself and become clear about things. The duration should be determined in advance and a temporary accommodation should be organized for the duration.
2. Dating, sex and other partners on a break from the relationship
For some this would be an immediate reason for separation, for others it would be a means to an end. Some women need a date with another man to see if it’s actually as exciting as they’ve been imagining for years. In most cases it is not that at all. The same goes for men, of course. It should be clarified in advance whether you allow each other this freedom during the break – and also whether in such a case it should become a conversation afterwards or whether everyone should keep their adventures to themselves. Basic trust is a prerequisite for this decision.
3. Radio silence during the temporary separation
In any case, couples therapists recommend stopping communication completely for a while. This is difficult, especially at the beginning, but this is the only way to clear your head and bring about the clarity that a break in the relationship is supposed to bring to light. This should definitely be discussed in advance and adhered to. This is the only way to avoid expectations that the other person could just get in touch now. What can be done? Arrange a date in advance. Maybe for the first time in two weeks. In a short coffee date, open questions can be clarified and unsaid things can be said. But these meetings should also take place without expectations. Maybe it will turn into a date with a great conversation – just like before?
Breaking a relationship with children: Is that even possible?
Parents find it particularly difficult to deal with the issue of temporary separation. Even if the desire is there, it is difficult to manage everyday life with a child or children alone – and of course you don’t want to burden them with the parents’ separation. On the one hand, this applies here open and positive communication: The children should know about the parents’ experiment, but their fears and worries should be taken away. It is also best for them if they can stay in their familiar surroundings and their parents take turns looking after them and living at home. What communication should look like here must be clarified in advance and appointments must be strictly adhered to.
What happens after a relationship break?
This shouldn’t be a surprise after the break and should be clarified before the time out. Of course, there is a desired scenario here and one that you don’t hope for from the break in the relationship: the separation. However, this scenario must also be played out in advance in order to avoid major disagreements about a final move out, finances or custody. If the relationship is given another chance after the break, it is still a detailed conversation necessary. What needs to change in the relationship so that both partners can be satisfied is now the subject of discussion. And also what problems may have led to the temporary separation. At this point it is important that both of you are willing to compromise and respond openly to each other. Do not express accusations or insults, but formulate wishes and suggestions for solutions.
Can a break save the relationship?
Taking a break can save your relationship or marriage. However, she doesn’t HAVE to. After a temporary separation, many couples also come to the realization that there is no going back. In this case, you should be honest with each other and not just stay together because it’s “easier.” What many people don’t realize is that once the separation phases are over, being single can be much more enriching than our life in an unhappy relationship. Here you can read how you can find your way back to life after the relationship ends: A new beginning after a separation. You can also find help here if the separation hits you particularly hard: depression after separation.