According to the long-term study
Couples who talk to each other like this are together longer
© LukaTDB / Shutterstock
Manners and conflict management are key factors for every relationship – so of course for the partnership too! A long-term study has now shown the best strategies.
We know that nicknames are an expression of happy relationships (Schnucki principle). But what about general manners in the partnership? How should we best talk to our Schnucki so that we are happy and together for a long time? What is the best way to resolve conflicts? Researchers at the University of Arizona have examined the latter in a long-term study with 192 couples and their results have now been published in the “Journal Of Psychosomatic Medicine”.
Arguing is good for relationships and health
Over a period of 32 years, the scientists followed the couples and checked their relationship and the physical health of both partners. In doing so, they targeted the subjects to theirs Dealing with Conflicts questioned in the partnership and then divided into groups such as “if I am angry, I show it to my partner” or “if I am annoyed, I tend to deal with myself”.
The result: The relationship and health of the partners was best when both partners were open to conflict and vented their anger. In numbers: For these couples, the risk of dying within 30 years was 24 percent for men and 18 percent for women.
The main thing is that both partners have the same argument strategy
But now it’s getting really interesting: Obviously, more important than the question of how conflicts are resolved is whether both in the partnership rely on the same strategy!
Here again the data: If both partners in the relationship tended to withhold their feelings and not deal with conflicts openly, the risk of early death was again 18 percent for women and 35 percent for men – only slightly higher than for women Arguing.
In the case of couples with different cultures of argument, however, the risk of death values were about twice as high! If she held back while he let out his anger, the values were 51 percent (men) and 36 percent (women), in the opposite case 49 percent (men) and 28 percent (women).
Disagreement causes stress
Kyle Bourassa, study director and psychologist, explained the results to “Daily Mail“as follows:” If one partner wants to resolve disagreements while the other prefers to avoid arguments, are unconscious both dissatisfied how their conflicts are dealt with. This can then lead to stress more often in everyday life – and this has a long-term negative effect on health. “
If, on the other hand, couples agree on disputes – regarding to unsubscribing or fizzling out – they tend to be happier, less stressed and healthier.
So it doesn’t matter whether we are contentious or rather conflict-averse: As long as we have someone by our side with whom we are on the same page on this question, we have a good chance of many years together. Whereby, and Bourassa also emphasizes, swallowing anger is generally not the best way! Because even in other environments (job, friendships, relatives) we repeatedly find ourselves in conflict situations in which we have to stand up for ourselves. And where better could we practice for this than in a relationship with the person we trust most?
Video tip: Pssst! Your friend doesn’t want to hear these sentences from you …